A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello!I am having major heart anxiety and I do not know what to do. I have been dating and been hopelessly in love with a guy since the beginning of my junior year in high school. We were together for almost two years, but about seven months ago I had to move a few states away to go to a college my family and I could afford. I really did not want to go, but he encouraged me to because he wanted me to have a good future and that he would stay with me and wait for me to come back. So I went and we have been doing the long distance relationship thing. It was really hard at times, but everything was going well. I would make trips on my college breaks to visit him and he even asked me to marry him a few months ago. Our relationship was not perfect, but it was still going strong and I have been working really hard to go to a college I can afford close by to him next year. Everything seemed perfect, until a few weeks ago when he started acting a little more distant and irritated. It was like everything I said made him mad and all he wanted to do was complain about how lonely he was and then say it was my fault because I chose to leave him to go to college here. At one time he got so angry with me he completely ignored my existence for almost a week and went out with his friends every day. I finally asked him what was wrong, and he said he just couldn't deal with the distance anymore. He was tired of feeling alone and felt like he was living a lie because I was not there. He said we should take a "break" and if I could get the money and grades to go to that college near him next year, we could rekindle our relationship and start again, but for now it was over. I haven't spoken to him since, and that was about five days ago. I am completely heartbroken. I do not know what changed in him so suddenly and why he would take everything we had and everything I was willing to do for him and for us and threw it all in the trash. I feel more alone than I ever have in my life. A part of me still wants to go to that college down there next year, but all my friends are telling me it would just be a waste of time. I would go for more reasons than just him, because it really is a good school with a great program that I want to go into, but he would be the major reason. I just don't want to get hurt if I go down there and have spent so much time and money to get there for nothing. I still love him with all my heart and he is my everything. He told me all the time how much he loved me, and even said when he was breaking up with me that it broke his heart that he had to do it, but felt it was the best thing for us right now. I don't know what to think or what to do. I want him back, but I don't want to go back to somebody that is just going to hurt me like that again. Any advice for me?
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heartbroken, long distance, money, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (26 February 2013):
 He found someone else just doesnt have the balls to admit. Dont waste ur time or emotional energy. Move on.
A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (26 February 2013):
 I definitely wouldn't want to get hurt so be cautious. Acknowledge that red flag that you have been hurt before. Its possible hurt people do hurt people. It could be best to wait until you are done with school fully even if you stay were your at then take on a relationship and be more serious. So that way you can focus and he can be free to not hurt you while he waits til your done at uni.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 February 2013):
I've been in the same situation (wanting to be with someone who had hurt me) and I think you have to follow your brain not your heart.
My situation was different, but things worked out great for me because I didn't go back to her.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 February 2013):
 He was wrong to blame you for the distance. You did not choose to leave him to go there. You went to a college that your parents can afford. To go from a marriage proposal to this means he had not been sincere. It's not uncommon for people to do this to cover up an intention to break up later. Since money is an issue for you, I do think that it's better for you to stay where you are. It couldn't be that one sided. Perhaps he could think about how to get closer to you instead?
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