A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im not sure where to start! My husband and I seperated last November, we have a four year old daughter together. We had the most stressful year - id had an ectopic pregnancy and was finding it very difficult to deal with and in the end I asked him to leave. I felt that we both needed time - to sort ourselves out, I was constantly in the house and we were constantly together but at the same time miles apart. My head was all over the place - I wanted to grieve for my loss. I realise now it was the biggest mistake ive ever made. I tried to block out everything and ended up making new friends and for a while I thought I was happy. My husband approcached me about a male friend - that was all he was a friend - but stupidly and childish of me I said we were seeing one another - In a hope that my husband would want me back. Obviousy this didn't work!! (I dont know what I was thinking!) Back in May I decided to ditch my new friends and pull myself together- I wanted my husband back and had great determination to do it!I went into full time employment - so that I could make enough money to support my daughter and I, whilst saving to move home and in the back of my head - I somehow thought we loved one another enough to work things through! Start again!I still seen him 2-3 times a week and as time went on we were getting on better than we had in a long time. I started to suggest he stay for dinner or we go out with our daughter - he said he was busy and I believed him thinking it was to do with the new business he was opening. last week, my world came crashing down to find that he had taken my daughter bowling along with an 18 year old girl. I was shocked, I had asked him times before if he was with someone and he always replied no. Apparently he had been seeing her for six months (since March!!) He then told me that when he approached me about my male friend and I told him we were together (which was a lie) he went out and slept with some people and finally found a nice girl!! My heart is crushed - he says he didn't know i felt like this and if id told him months ago it would have been different. He says that its always a possibility we may get back in the future and he doesn't want a divorce. I have cried everyday for ten days - probably had in total about about 30 hours sleep and I have lost a stone in weight!! My heart is breaking, as I don't know if we will ever get back together and It was all I ever wanted! My family together again! He has seriously messed my head up - he's telling me to give him time to get get himself sorted (as he is still in the process of opening a business) and who knows what may happen as we had been gettin on great. But whilst he's saying this to me - he is with a girl 7 years younger than him whos barely out of school. We have spoken about it and he says he cant handle it right now - even if he was single it would be too soon. He says he doesn't want to give me false hope but deep down I don't think he realised there was a chance we would get back together. I feel he does want it too and he genuinely doesn't know how to deal with it right now. I have made the biggest mistakes I could - I have phoned him every day - text him - telling him I love him and now he wants time to be left alone. I don't want to give up - im hurting so much and I feel its starting to affect my daughter! His g/friend (although he doesn't call her that) has been there and knows what is going on - I feel if she actually understood she too would back off. I want nothing more than to save my marriage in my eyes its never too late!! We have history and the chance to have a future! I wont be phoning him again, though I am really worried that he hasn't even taken the time to grieve and one day it will come crashing down on him the way it is for me. Basically I want some advice on what to do and if anyone has went through anything similar. Im so lost now - I feel like giving up!!Please help me get through this!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell he is still seeing the young girl and I cant handle that anymore! If he wants time thats fine but why on earth is he stringing her along also!! He has told everyone she is 20 - so he obviously doesn't care about her feelings either!! I want a divorce - I wish i never had to see him again.
A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (20 September 2008):
 I agree. You need to give this relationship a break and some space to sort itself out. By you calling him and texting all the time, he doesn't have a chance to sort it out in his own head. You can't make someone love you or Be with you again. No matter how hard you try. You have to accept that it could be over OR if there is a chance of reconciling, you have to give him his space to figure things out. If you want him back, the only way is be strong, do your own thing, Learn to love you again, and when he sees this, then he'll remember the girl that he fell in love with. Right now, you are coming across as very needy and he doesn't want that in a woman. Show him the strong, independant woman that you are.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): I am so sorry you had such a tough year and that you couldn't mourn your loss together!The only advice I can give you is to focus on yourself and your child. Make some nice friends and get a hobby, work hard and make yourself happy. By focussing on yourself and being happy you will definately have one benefit - you wll be happy and you never know - seeing you happy and not so needy he may find you attractive again.A younger girl will not have much in common with him and it won't last long!!Be reasonable about access to your daughter and casual when he calls, be friendly but don't be too keen.Good luck xx
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