A
male
age
41-50,
*istol
writes: My gf of 3.5 years has just left me and i am so distraught and confused by her at the moment about it. I'm 29 and she has just turned 21 and is in the last 3 months of her uni degree which is stressing her out lots. What makes it harder is that i've just spent the last 5 months renovating a flat i bought for the both of us to live as she wanted for the last 2 years. She chose the flat and everything in it - and was so excited about it. Then the week b4 its all finished she said she didn't know how she felt about me and wanted a months break to see how she felt - this was so out of the blue. Uni has been stressing her out as she has only 3 months left and hasn't even started her dissertation yet and nothing is important to her at the moment other than that she said. Her best mate (whose single) and her friends (also all single) she would have a better time without me. have influenced her by saying how wonderful being single is and have been taken her out all the time getting completely drunk and occupying her time. Now she has suddenly decided she wants to go travelling originally for 2 months, then 6 - now a year! I think this is because she doesn't now what job she wants to do and is going along with what everyone else at uni is saying that they want to travel as its easier than admitting she doesn't know what to do with her life after uni. Its the 1st time since being 14 that shes been out of a relationship and is enjoying she said being by herself and independant. She said she missed me but not as much as she thought she would - but she was busy and drunk in the month apart she said and didn't think about and put it to the back of her mind as it upset her and distracted her uni work. We had the months break and she said she still didn't know how she felt and feels nothing for uni, work, me or her family at the moments and doesn't know why. She wanted to date once a week and she how it went - but then won't even let me touch her as she feels unsure. After 4 weeks i couldn't take it anymore so called it off as it was making me miss her everytime she left and not allowing me to touch her. Its been 3 weeks and i've heard nothing from her and miss her greatly and dont know what to do. I have a gorgeous flat and can't bring myself to move in there as so many happy memories as it was meant for us not just me. :-( I believe that she is just going a phase of being 21 - getting drunk with her mates and being occupied by them and uni to not see what she is giving up yet or the decision she really wants to make. What should i do? Wait and see? contact her once uni is finished? - I'm completely lost, any advice.
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female
reader, Garden of Eden +, writes (15 April 2007):
I feel really sorry for you, I think I have been in the same position as your Gf. You love the person dearly, but know that they are not right for you at this time in your life. The whole trying it out for a month thing, is usually so its a bit easier for the other person when the relationship is finished, but it does not work out that way and you prolong the hurt and make everybody miserable.
Your gf sounds clearly upset about making this decision (no interest in Uni and spending her time drinking away her hurt), but does sound like she has it in the back of her mind to leave you.
Really sorry this is not a positive response, but cliched as it is, time is a great heeler and you will meet somebody else. In the meantime, maybe rent out your flat until you feel stronger.
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (15 April 2007):
 I would move on mate. However hard it may be, she has clearly made a decision about the relationship.
It seems like her priorities in her life have changed and you have to respect that. Yes, she is 21 and her mates are getting drunk all the time, but as you say she has been in relationships since an early age, maybe she wants to enjoy abit of single life to see what that is like?
Theres nothing wrong with that. I feel for your situation and I dont think you can do much at this point. She may come back after travelling and want to carry things where they left off. The age difference between you two is clearly leaving its mark on the relationship, being 21 means doing the things she wants to do like travelling and enjoying her life. You cant and she cant deny that, if that is what she wants.
Maybe it is a bit inconsiderate with the flat and everything you have built up, but you cant force her to want the relationship. That is and will always be her right to decide.
You should move on with your life, she is, so why cant you?
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