A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I need some advice. Me and my now ex girlfriend broke up 4 months ago. It was a really nasty breakup with me admitting to not being exclusive until we had the talk...her manipulating me into letting her go through an old email account, facebook, and myspace. She caught me in a couple of white lies about past hookups and immediately broke up with me. I was angry and frustrated and went out and got drunk and hooked up with a girl. After we started talking again I felt obligated to tell her about it. I wish I wouldnt have because she is a very hard person to talk to because of her intense interrogations. I was trying to soften the blow and tell only important details...she then told me I needed to take a lie detector test before she would trust me again. I ended up telling her every mistake i made in the relationship and then walked out. we spoke for a time after but it just got out control and ended with me saying a lot of things I didnt mean. We stopped talking aside from me sending a text message on her birthday...and a phone call i just made 4 months after we broke up. She answered and asked my quick question and that was that. Do you think it is possible that she still has some feelings since she answered my call because I was really surprised after everything that has happened. Especially after holding my contact with ex's over my head for months. I want her back!!!
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female
reader, sexi suga  +, writes (18 August 2009):
hmmmm this is similar to what ive been through, i think that your white lies had a big part to play in this break up, if you could have been truthful to her from the start maybe it wouldnt be as bad as you are describing now. the reason you she lost trust in you was due to your lieing, no matter how big or small the lies, a lie will always be a lie and that more damaging to know. if you can lie about the small things so easily, the big things just come naturally. thats how it was with my now ex.
i believe that if in four months you have had no contact apart from a few lil things here and there it is a bit difficult. people move on and four months is a fairly long time in which a person can move on. if you really wnna make ago of it you have to make ten times more effort with her, contact here and tell her exactly how you feel. appologies for everything that you said to her that you shouldnt have, and keep persistant. if she responds in a way that you want then theres hope, if she doesnt atleast then you will know for sure. if you dont tell her how you feel she will never know and you will never know how she feels.
i hope this helps hun
tc x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): Let me get this straight - she got mad at you for staying in touch with some ex's and not being exclusive until after you both talked about being exclusive?? I'm sorry, but it sounds like she has a lot of insecurity issues from her past which, in my experience, she'll need to work through on her own before she can have a real relationship. Trust is so important, and although maybe you could've been clearer on a few things, I think she's overreacted. It will only hurt and frustrate you if you try and make things work before she deals with these problems. You can't fix it for her, unfortunately. It does sound like she still cares for you though, and I think there could be hope for you in the future :) You could try staying in touch or catching up occasionally.
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