A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Basically iv been with my man for 6 six years and we have two beautiful children aged 3 and 1. Iv recently given up everything [work, college etc] to take care of my family and home, which i love. I feel its time to have another child, iv always wanted three, but my man doesnt want another one. Am i being selfish or should i stand my ground. its causing alot of problems between us because im starting to think that we want different things. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2007): You and your partner will have to work together to arrive at the decision whether or not to have this 3rd baby. Deciding the birth of a new baby, in a family is a couple’s decision together, not the overruling choice of just one of you. He needs to tell you how he feels, this 'baby' issue will emotionally, financially cost him and the family. Communicate maturely and lovingly-this is not a unilateral decision. Really listen hard to each other. You both need to find a way to the same page on this decision before a new baby is decided upon. Therefore, I would recommend you look at your wants and realize that it's likely more your emotional need to want a third baby, that is making you feel this should be just a unilateral decision and that's unfair to your partner, because a child will affect his life, deeply as well. Think of the baby. And think of your relationship. My advice to both of you is to put your whole family's needs first, and your wants second. If you need to, use your minister, or a couples counselor to help you work through this problem. But you have to understand, that in order to bring a baby into the world, the parents best gift to that new child is to love each other, first and foremost and have a relationship/family life that is strong and steady.
I wish you both the best and good luck
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): Hey
a couple things make this ard to answer:
1)what is your mans age
2)what are your economic status
3)how is your relationship with 2 kids
4)how often does he get to spend time with them
it sounds as though your man is making a decision based upon these kinds of questions. He is obviously working as your a stay-at-home-mum, so your and your kids lives and futures in his hands.
Maybe this is something you should take into consideration.
Also you must ask yourself why it is you want another child.
Its interesting that the children are 1 and 3 which means the age of them being completely dependent on you and naive to their enviroment is quickly leaving- do you miss this feeling of nuture and protection?
Is it possible that even though you've always wanted three kids the fact that you have nothing else in your life but the paternal endaevour makes you seek to maintain that relative time of when your most "needed" and inturn "cared for"?
If your husband doesn't want a third child i wouldn;t push the matter- if you love him respect his decision as a man,your partner and, most importantly, a father.
Now is the time to start making plans on how your going to be the best parents you can to the two blessings you have, giving them all the TIME and CARE and NUTURE that you couldn;t if it was divided again between another sibling.
God Bless and i hope this helps
from excogito
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (12 January 2007):
 I think it is time to decide what is more important to you, you have two lovely children and a husband some people don't even have that. If you keep pushing you may lose the man you love and is it really worth it, if just trying to decide is putting so much pressure on your relationship imagine what it would be like with a new born and the two children you already have and of course you may then be on your own to deal with it,
Good luck
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