A
female
age
30-35,
*eahLoveLost
writes:My ex boyfriend and I were together for a year, before that we were friends for 2 years, and considered the other our 'best' friend for over a year of that.We got together in September 08 and broke up in September 09. Basically we were arguing loads and he had anger problems and said he didn't know if he still loved me or not, and how I reacted to that snowballed everything. He wasn't handling the situation well so he finished it. 3 weeks later he started seeing someone else, someone he met after we broke up. We all go to the same 6th form college of about 300 people, so seeing them together every day was devastating. My ex and I got the same bus, and he'd still sit next to me every day. But I was hurt and angry and desperate to get him away from her and back with me so most days we'd fight. His anger started getting worse and worse, and he started self harming to let it out. He had a problem of just not caring before, and that started getting worse too. He'd become indifferent to people he should care about. His parents wanted him to go to counselling, when he told me this I persuaded him to go. He was then sent to a professional therapist, and diagnosed with Dissociation Disorder, severe anger problems (just want to point out that hes never hit another person in his life, he takes his anger out on himself) and schizophrenia, although now they've said he's not schizophrenic he just has some paranoia, possibly a side effect of his meds for ADHD. By December we were still talking and fighting regularly, and he said that there was no chance of us getting back together so I shouldn't have any hope. Then we had a huge fight and he got angry and self harmed and said he wanted a complete break from me. At this point I could see that him knowing I wanted to be with him when he kept trying to be 'just friends' was having serious consequences and he was hurting himself, so I told him I was over being in a relationship with him and wanted to be just friends. But he said he still wanted a complete break from me. After we stopped talking he started hurting himself more to relieve his anger. I wanted to talk to him so much but he wouldn't, until feb when he started talking to me briefly online, when he said he needed someone to understand (he told me everything going on and all his diagnosis' etc because he said I was the only person who understood) but the conversation wasn't long and he went offline. After that we went through ups and downs of talking, fighting, not talking. All of this was devastating for me, and seeing them together was too much.I don't entirely remember what happened from then if I'm honest, we'd talk sometimes, but most of it was just the same day in day out. I started seeing someone else but I was still in love with my ex and realised I didn't have any real feelings for him, so the relationship lasted less then a month. When I was with this other guy however my ex started talking to me, saying it was 'easier' to now that I was with someone else too. In summer we were talking, at first we came to an agreement that we wanted our friendship to be what it was before we got together, but while to me that meant really close he said he couldn't get close to me. That upset me and we fought a bit, but in the end I thought talking was better then nothing, so I called him up and we talked and I said we could be friends and just chat. Since then we've been talking regularly on the bus, a good few days a week. He also started talking to me on msn (it was always him that started the conversations, which was new) but now his computers died so its just on the bus. Hes still with this other girl though and it breaks my heart. He says he loves her and all that, and they've been together for over a year now. I tried to mention us being close friends about a month ago but he got really angry and upset and said he had to keep me at arms length (this isn't because of his girlfriend telling him that, its him personally not being able to handle being close or something.)I don't understand him, I still really love him and would do anything to get closer to him again and be with him. I won't do anything to sabotage his relationship but thats what I want. Its unfair because if I'd known that when he said he didn't love me it was really him dissociating, and not feeling it, as a coping mechanism (which is what it was) then I would have reacted differently and the situation wouldn't have snowballed. But he didn't get the diagnosis until months after we broke up.Please give me advice on what I can do. I really want a second chance at a relationship with him. Thank you
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female
reader, gonewiththewind  +, writes (17 December 2010):
You can't do nything if the guy isnt up for it .. let loose, and you'll meet another guy who cares about you more than somebody else .. If you keep pushing the angry guy for a relationship, you might lose the friendship that you have. cherish the friendship .. or stay away from him for a while so that you can start afresh, then itd be easy to be just friends with him
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