A
female
age
41-50,
*nfiel
writes:I have posted two other questions. Here’s another.Like ya’ll know my husband has fathered another child. I’ve known about this since last Nov. 2008. We have been trying to work things out for the sake of our family. Things haven’t been going so smoothly. We have are ups and down, more downs than anything. Recently we both decided that a divorce would be the best for the two of us and our kids. Now my husband is acting like nothing we, weren’t ever talking about getting a divorce. I do love and care for him but I have decided and made up my mind that a divorce is for the best. I’m tired of going through this every time he gets upset and a divorce is not something you throw into someone face just cuz your upset. Yes, are talking but at time I keep my distance, which I pretty sure he has noticed. Yes, we are both very sexual people and we have had intercourse since then. He was planning on telling his family about his other son. And soon after that I was planning on talking to him about our divorce. He hasn’t been able to talk to his family. What should I do? I know the longer I wait the harder it will be. How and when should I sit down with him regarding our divorce and how should I start off. I’m so scared, nervous and don’t know how to go about this conversation. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): I think you can never forgive him for fathering another child. the trust is gone and you cannot get it back. if you really cannot forgive and you know you can survive without him , then the sooner you tell him the better for everyone, especially you. you need to be calm when you discuss the divorce, the kids, finances. do not let him bully you and be firm in your decision. please cut the sex off completely with him. i think because you cannot trust him this is a good enough reason to go your seperate ways. also decide who moves out. since he betrayed you perhaps he should.
just be strong and resolve to see this through. the reminder of this other child will always be there. ditch the unfaithful hb and move on. sometimes that grass is always greener on the other side. you deserve it.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 July 2009):
 Tomorrow night, sit him down and tell him that you have tried, but the relationship is not working for you anymore. Discuss custody of the children. Then you either tell him to pack his bags or you pack yours and you leave. Don't hang around so that he can talk you out of it. Make a clean break and put some physical space between you two so he knows you are serious. Keep future interactions in a public place so there's no chance of slipping and falling back into bed together.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 June 2009):
 Infiel, what happens here is that you're both of two minds about leaving and staying. You need to really make a decision, both of us.
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