A
female
age
51-59,
*uteblonde
writes:Hi Everyone, I am a 37, about to turn 38 very young looking female. I have not met anyone special for almost 6 years. Finally I did! He is 30, has a 5 year old daughter. We spoke about me wanting to have a child. I would only like to give birth to one, and adopt a second. He was adament that maybe we should be a casual couple because he does not want anymore kids. I think he says this because he has primary custody of his child and feels as though he has had no life. Should I get rid of him or perhaps just hope that in time he might come around? Despite the fact that there is an age difference between us we get along great, and no one can tell that he is younger. He is pretty mature for his age. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ask febe  +, writes (15 August 2009):
You need to decide what is more important to you, do you desperately want to become a mother or are you happy to be with this guy without having any children?, from what you have said it seems he has made his feelings very clear that he doesn't want any more children,so if he's the man for you and you can live life without kids then make a life with him if not then, you shouldn't waste your life on someone that doesn't want the same things as you because it wont work out in the long run.I wish you all the best in finding true happiness.
A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (15 August 2009):
 Why not, get rid of him if you think 'special' people can be found at every street corner! You say he is special and I will take your word for that. Here is what I think, you shouldn't make any hasty calls. Your maternal instinct may be strong but I think you should take several aspects into account. First of which is: the quality of this relationship. If you have a special relationship that gives you safety long-term, would you give it away so easily. Secondly, find more about his reasons not to want a child, have a long conversation making sure you approach all points that interest you - and him, and see if you can find a middle ground. Now, there are those people who walk arm in arm with someone new only a couple of weeks or months after a break up and there are those to whom (for one or many reasons) it is more difficult to find a new partner. If you haven't had a (serious) relationship in 6 years, or had casual relationships until now, this might be because it's not easy for you at all to find a partner? In any case, start making compromises - ones that you can feel good with too, of course, in the long run. It doesn't seem like you know this person for a very long while either, get to know each other better firstly (could this be why he is not interested?). Meanwhile, the idea of an adoption sounds better to me, as you won't have to worry about your biological clock that could be quite of a concern in a couple more years from now.Also, you can't make him interested in parenthood if he isn't burning to have another child (even adopted) and if he isn't open to the idea of an adoption even later on then you must accept the situation and eventually decide how much of a deal breaker this is to you. You may try to convince him but can't push him into a direction or another, him or anyone else. I know it can be hard. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, becca b +, writes (15 August 2009):
what so ever do not get rid of him unless there is no trust in the relationship, eventually he will come round although you both need to make sacrifices in your relationship, try and share his kid in a way that will lift the majority of the weight off his shoulders. just help eachother out, and you'll be fine#
Becca
xxxxx
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