A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 11 years and have no family. My wife developed a medical condition after 2 years of marriage. In the last few years been brought under control. During her illness i was as attentive as i could be but we did not have and physical relation and i never pressurised her as part of her condition was loss of labido. Due to the illness we cant have children and this has brought with it strain on the relationship. over the last year my wife has initiated physical relations but i now feel very detached form her and dont fancy her at all. We get on fine and never argue but the spark is not there. I have spoken to her about how i feel but she tells me to get on with it and that she will never leave me. I feel traped an unfulfill. I feel that i need to move on with my life but cant leave her as i feel a duty to stay and feel sorry for her. We now live like brother and sister. My wife now wants to get a egg donation to have a family but i am not gone on the idea. If we are not solid now i feel a child will only be a distraction and i will eventually be even more lonely in my relationship. I also feel that my wife wants to move on but is equally afraid to. I would love to have my own child born out of a loving relationship am i asking too much What should I do ??
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Gosh you are in a really tricky situation I really feel for you. I agree with you bringing a child into this relationship where you don't feel love for the mother is wrong. My heart felt so heavy for you when I read your line about your duty to stay and feel sorry for her. If I were in your shoes I would move out and start trying to build my own life. You can still support her with friendship but since you've told her how you feel I don't see that you should now have to live out a life sentence feeling miserable. You've lived out the dutiful husband to the letter and done it well so I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. You could try couples therapy and see if the spark reignites but that is your choice my friend. Otherwise I would try living apart for a while and see what happens.
Good luck with this you are in my prayers.
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