A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Let me begin by saying Im a 46 yo female, Was married for 12 years, Divorced 3 years ago, Was in another abusive realtionship for 2 years, Been single for 6 months, I have dated alot, Recently I meet a man (50). We both are looking for the same thing, Settle down,marriage, Happily ever after, After a week We seem to click very well.My problem is I have been talking to a couple other men, One in Military leaving for Alaska is 10 days, He asked me to go but only after he broke up with his other gf, He always seemed to call me when He had just dumped her.He found out she only used him for money. He said He could fall in love with me in time maybe.I cant seem to give up my life children, grandkids, and a great job to go on an maybe he could love me. But as part of me knows he can take care of me and my future. The other man (50 yo) loves me and adores me but he doesn't have anything to offer me, He came to visit me, Broke , I paid for our weekend, Gave him 20 for food and bought him a couple things he needed.He didnt ask but I offered, Was that wrong? He says he is broke because he put a deposit down on a ring for me, I found this out after asking why he was broke.Im so confused..I also was ( havent in a couple weeks) been talking to a man who is so sweet and kind but we havent meet in person only chatted on line and on the phone, Please any advice will be greatly appreciated...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2012): the military guy doesn't sound like a good idea, it sounds like you would just be using him for his money because he doesn't have real feelings for you right now he's just using you as a back up when he's dumped his gf. Money won't fill in the gap enough.the present guy who's broke...I don't think this will work out either unless you're equally broke. Otherwise if there's a huge disparity in income/wealth that can strain a relationship UNLESS your relationship is very good otherwise and you can respect his life choices and not look down on him for ending up broke.the guy on the phone - too soon to tell. but can you explore this further, seeing as how you're seeing the broke guy already? does the broke guy think that you're exclusive with him? I mean if he put a deposit down for a ring for you, that sort of suggests he assumes you two are exclusive so you either should tell him you're actually still looking around so he doesn't bark up the wrong tree, or you should cross the others off the list and make a make a commitment to him. in fact, to me the very fact that he put down a deposit on a ring for you, when you're still looking around talking to other men, suggests a huge communication gap between you...??
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 September 2012):
 Scratch Mr. Military off the list. The fact that he only seems to contact you when he breaks up with his girlfriend is reason enough. It's also too soon to jump from one relationship into another. On top of that separating yourself from all that you know and love for a huge maybe isn't a good idea. The risks outweigh the potential rewards.
Scratch Mr. Broke from the list as well. If his resources are that scare that one ring breaks the bank, then it does not bode well for the future. It also says something about a man who would toss money away that easily. Third, I'm not convinced he even bought you a ring and it was in very poor taste to blame you (even if he did it nicely) for his financial state.
Mr. Sweet is an unknown variable at this early stage so limit your investment to getting to know each other without any expectations (no sex).
I think some time on your own to regroup, rebuild your life and reinvent yourself would do you wonders. You don't need old baggage in a new relationship and a new man won't need it either.
Sort yourself out and enjoy your own company for a while.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (4 September 2012):
 Whoa, slow down a minute!! You have three fellas on the go here. Let's concentrate on the one you're with first! If he's broke by spending his money on something he couldn't afford and didn't need to buy, that suggests he won't be reliable with money. And if you say he has nothing to offer, i guess you're saying you don't have amazing feelings for him as you would have mentioned it. Sort out this relationship either way first. Don't think about other potential people until you've done that.
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