A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:IM not sure what to do , Im a single woman and dont have time on my side children wise. I want to have a child before its too late. I have never met 'the one'and im starting to feel down because time is running out. With adoption it can take a long time my friends did it and it took them over 5 years and due to their age ( my age range) they could only have a school aged child. I have looked into adoption but it does take took long. Another option is sperm donor but my parents dont agree with it , i have mixed thoughts on it . I wouldnt want someone who has donated more than once and then i have all the explaining to do to people and to the child who is very much wanted.I couldnt lie to people and pretend a sperm donor was a friend or a one night stand its wrong. Unfortunately all my male friends have partners and i wouldnt dream of asking them if they would donate . Im not sure what i should or can do. Im stuck what can i do ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2018): I can see why you don't want the donor route. If you and your child don't know of any half siblings and they just happen to meet and fall in love its pretty messed up. It does happen a lot more than people think. I'd look into adoption again and even consider fostering as you can do this long term and that can mean years with the child.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2018): First, so what he/she will have 20 genetic half siblings? First of all, genetics mean very little in reality...it is a pattern on our dna but it is really the people who raise and care for you that are your parent(s). So, your child could have 200 half siblings but it wouldn't really matter, because they don't even have to connect if they don't want to (and if they do then often they are happy about this anyway).
Next, the adoption route. I'm not sure your friends situation, and although people often SAY the waiting times are that long, in actual fact there are many ways to speed up the process. One way is to look into a private adoption, which costs money but which can be very speedy. Private adoptions through a private agency. This doesn't have to mean international, there are private agencies within your country. Another way to speed up the process is to take an older child, even a 2-5 year old lets say. Don't worry, I guarantee you will still bond tightly with them (I would know). I know you say your friends took 5 years with a school-aged child...I am VERY surprised to hear that, I have never heard it taking that long with school aged. Infants, yes, but school-aged children they are usually desperate to place. Seems unlikely unless these friends had real troubles in their home visits that it would take that long.
Another option is to adopt a disabled child, some children have very mild disabilities. You can explore the disabilities with your caseworker first. Often, children with disabilities are placed very quickly in families- they give you a special dispensation to speed up the process.
While it is a little late to go the biological route, it is NOT to late to adopt and I think you should look into adoption more deeply. Your friends one bad experience of wait times shouldn't be the deciding factor.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2018): There is the possibility that you may never have a baby.
However if you still like the idea of parenting you could consider fostering which is not the same as adoption as the child would only be with you for a potentially short term.It would give you the opportunity to help children at crises points in their life but it is certainly not for everyone as it is a very demanding role.
You may have to consider that you have let parenting pass you by which might be a good option as many people of your age are learning to live without children as parenting generally takes place in the twenties and thirties for women.
If that idea is fraught with stress and feelings of failure then arrange to see a counsellor through a doctor and you will find that many parents see their children for fifteen minutes a day due to their work timetable and they are fraught with guilt as a result.
Maybe life is about learning to live as best you can with what you have as it seems there is no perfect answer for anyone.
But seeing a counsellor can provide new ways of looking at everyday problems and stresses.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (17 June 2018):
 You're just going to have to accept it, I'm afraid, OP. Get counselling to hep you figure out which is best for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 June 2018):
 There is definitely the possibility of "your child" with a donor having half-siblings. But that could happen with a family friend or a one-night stand.
My husband had a guy in his unit who had fathered 14 kids! lol
So yes, it is possible one way or another.
I don't see many options here. :(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2018): op here. my parents dont like the donor route because the donor is exactly that and can donate so many times which is also what im not keen about. if the child wanted to find out about that side of where they came from its already a shock about being a donor kid but to then find out you have 20 half siblings is a bit crazy.I put in about asking my male friends as i thought someone might suggest it .
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 June 2018):
I have a friend who went the sperm donor route 10 years ago and she had her daughter. 2 years later she met an awesome man who she have since married. He adopted her daughter.
They did try for another child but haven't been successful.
I don't think using a sperm donor mean you didn't WANT the child. After all, you would have to VERY careful pick out the donor you think has the (at least physical) qualities you want.
It's no ones BUSINESS if you CHOOSE to use a donor.
Now I get that your parent think it's a little off. After all, it used to be a way for guy to make a few extra bucks. A reputable sperm bank does screen donors for various major genetic issues and there is a profile on each. however the issue with long term frozen sperm (and even eggs) can create problem later on. And the fact that some countries there is TOTAL anonymity about the farther and in others they can get the info at age 18.
While I am all for adoption, there are SO many scams going on with that as well. So I would be cautious about it. However, with adopting, you are not on a time constraint as your OWN biology is irrelevant. But I do think adopting as a single woman (or man) is much harder than it is for a couple
Asking someone you know to knock you up or donate sperm is odd to me. More so than using a actual donor. Having a ONS in hope of getting knocked up is just plain wrong.
You can get out on the dating marked and hope you meet a guy who both WANTS to father a child and be a good dad. And hope you still have time.
Unlike men, us women have a way more limited time period in which we are fertile and our eggs are still good.
What exactly is it that your parents don't like with a sperm donor fro ma sperm bank? And what is it you don't like?
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