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female
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anonymous
writes: pls help me really having a hard time atm. my fiancee of three years broke up with me three weeks ago saying he was too young (21), his mum told me it was cause he's stressed in debt and cant cope. he ignored me for a couple of weeks even though the only times i contact him was to sort out a phone he took out in my name before breaking up without telling me and i was recieving the bill!A couple of weeks later he contacted me and we had a nice chat. have seen him a couple of times since and we have had really good meetings. i mentioned one time that i was going out that night and at stupid o'clock in the morning he sent me a picture of us together. the next day he passed this off as being drunki stupidly invited him to dinner, he said not that night but later in the week. later the same day he sent me a drunk msg asking why i wanted to meet him, i said i needed some closure and then he sent me a random nasty message sayin "phone sorted. will give your nan the money for you, end of.'although i love him and want him back have realised its not going to happen. pls tell me how to get over him and not be affected by his mind games. have had a couple of really nice looking men pay me some attention and i turned them both down even though i really liked one of them because i still feel like i would be cheating on my ex.how do i move on from here and why is he behaving this way? i used to know him inside out but now i just dont have a clue who he is
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): I think what has happened here is that you have grown up and he hasn't. You are looking at life and your former relationship with older, wiser eyes that both see and understand more than they did before, without the rosy glow of young love shading out the bad parts. That's not to say that you don't still love or care for him, as from your question it is apparent that you do, it's just that you are now in very different places emotionally. You did know him, deep down, but as I said, young love blinded you to these faults and this is who he has been all along. You just see it clearly now.You can't trust him and even if you did get back together you would be forever having to clean up his mess for him, which is no way to live. He has acted immaturely and criminally (by getting a contract phone in your name and without your permission he has, technically, committed fraud) and shows no signs of accepting what he has done is wrong, as shown by his brutal message about the money for the bill - it's almost like he's trying to make YOU feel bad for HIS crime and deceit! That's just wrong!How to get over him? Well for a start, break off contact or at least minimalise it. Try not to be drawn into meetings with him (even if he makes threats about what he'll do to you or himself if you don't (call the authorities on both counts - you must stay safe yourself and if he DOES do something to himself or threaten it, it is not your fault or responsibility). If he calls keep the conversation neutral and don't be drawn into talking about the good times or get into arguments with him and try and keep the calls short and to the point. If he texts you try not to reply. Live your life and enjoy your quiet times and your lively times and the passage of time itself will ease the rest. If you don't he'll forever be holding you back from moving on and meeting someone worthy of you and never moving forward himself, either.
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