A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am a happily married woman with 4 adult children. My husband and children are the best thing that has ever happened for me. My husband's my childhood sweet heart, best friend, guardian angel, soulmate and no man or woman will ever be capable of even remotely swaying my love or loyalty from him even under worst of circumstance.Our marriage is and has always been strong, although at times he or I may feel neglected by the other due to life's duties, yet we always conquer and surpass their temporary duration.A little over 3 years ago, I did the unthinkable and feel privy to an affair with a female co-employee. I knew instantly it was foul, betrayel and deceit, yet it allowed me to live out a suppression of my lesbian component for feminine sexual passion in addition to filling that temporary emotional neglect felt from my husband with our temporary rough patch.I regret the affair in its entirity. I only intended for it to last a month or two but it turned to years. I didn't know how to let her down knowing how she loved me yet I knew I'd never feel the same. Guilt of kept me coming to her call, leading her on. How is it that I thought she knew what she and shared was all a fling? She knew I was taken by choice. I shouldn't have assumed that she knew the purpose of a mistress? How do I get pass the guilt of using her?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): You have no reason to feel guilt. She knew you were married. Don't worry about her. Women like her keep on along to another married woman. Count your lucky stars she's gone and don't cheat on your husband.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): Yes, you were swayed, but you sound very human to me, and we all are entitled to be that, and let our hallo slip in life may be once or twice. No one is perfect.
You say it was a time when you felt ' emotionally neglected' in your marriage, and I presume no other time before or since have you succumbed to outside temptation. I can completely understand what you're saying about this guilt you feel, that YOU led this woman on, and like MOST people who have affairs with a married person, really do believe, that person may leave their spouse. Again, all this is human, no one deserves to be hurt, but it happens, just be thankful that you have such a powerful bonding with your husband that you can hopefully overcome this part in your life.
All you can do is apologize to her, perhaps write to her, don't become too involved in the physical sense, meaning face to face IF she is still suffering emotionally. I'm sure you feel guilt about your husband too, but that wasn't your question, so I'm not going to preach to you about that.
I hope you will move on from this and concentrate on your relationship with your husband, as it's all too easy sometimes to neglect partners, but at least you've had a warning of what neglect can do, and learnt by it!
Jilly
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A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 I wouldn't say you used her as such, she knew the situation, she must have known you were married and it couldn't have been more than a fling. It takes two to tango...I would feel more guilty about going behind your husbands back. Your opening passage confused me after reading the whole question; "My husband's my childhood sweet heart, best friend, guardian angel, soulmate and no man or woman will ever be capable of even remotely swaying my love or loyalty from him even under worst of circumstance." - yet someone did sway you - your love AND loyalty, so where does that leave you?...
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