A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello Aunt's and Uncles, I have posted on this wonderful site before and hope I can call on people's advice and opinions again to help me with something that has been bothering me.Well, I will try to make this short. Earlier this year I lost my contract position because I wasn't fully committed and kept taking time off. 1000% my fault but this has had massive repercussions, particularly in my relationship. Unfortunately it's a bit of a pattern in that I get restless and depressed and then I usually want to leave. I can't seem to break this.Not to make excuses however, some of this goes back to when I was at Secondary school. I had a teenage breakdown, was unable to finish with any qualifications and have never settled since, with anything. Over time the lengths of committment has got shorter with my restlessness leaching out into every aspect of my life. I'm really low because I feel like I have some strange phobia and the inability to be responsible and that will end up alone, bitter with nothing to show for my life. I get great roles/jobs even without being a graduate or etc and pick up new skills but feel like a fraud next to my colleagues with nothing to say, no educational background or no real passion and then I get depressed. I tried to get to the bottom of this in counselling but it wasn't successful, am not sure why.My boyfriend is quite bitter and fed up with this. When I get depressed he is not that supportive anyway (he is 13 years older then me, oldfashioned and believes that depression is for those who are weak-minded) so I do struggle and get myself through the lows. However, this year I lost my job at the worst possible time (when my savings where at an alltime low and right before I was due to go on holiday) and it has taken three months to get a new role. My boyf has had to pay the bills, food and electricity and he already struggles with money so now he resents me for this, critisces me all the time and basically treats me with contempt even though I have still tried to contribute with what little money I had left. I don't know what to do, it's not like I don't understand his frustration but it's making me feel so down that I cannot function properly.I don't know what to do. Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEmily,
Thank you so much for your kind words, will have to talk to him this week I guess :o(
As for the luck, I think I will need it!!!!
Have a lovely Bank Holiday weekend.
x
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 May 2009):
I can understand you feeling bad about this ending.
But this wasn't your fault. You did your best and you stuck with this. You knew that he was wrong in pushing for things like moving in, so you can't balme yourself for his mistakes.
You should never stick with a relationship that isn't working because it means that NEITHER of you can move on and find happiness.
By ending it you are taking a positive step forward. Relationships are never a waste of time and I bet you have had good times and learned a lot from each other.
Now you are just taking the next step up.
Think of it as career progression in your love life!
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello Emily,
Thanks very much for writing back to me. You're probably right, he is pretty 'straight down the line' one of the reasons I initially liked him but I think my choatic ways are not agreeable for him long term.
When we first met, he adored me, then pressured me to move in saying we wouldn't last if I didn't, I gave in 2 years later. I thought I would be horrendous to live with and told him so but aside from the job changes I looked after the home, as much as I was allowed to, and ensured we bought and had good food and etc. In my last role I contributed more then half of the bills too. However, now I don't think he really cares either way,
It would be nice to eventually meet someone who could be a tiny bit more supportive during the down times and not just ignore me or pretend nothing is happening.
I feel like a freak and that I have failed something else in my life now though.
Thanks again
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (2 May 2009):
It doesn't sound like you two are really meant to be together.
He wants some one simple and straight forward to be narrow minded with.
You are a bit high maintenance and need someone who is probably as skittish as you when it comes to sticking with things.
You have a new job so why not talk to your boyfriend, ask him if he sees this ever working out and let him decide if he wants to give it a go or not. He now knows that you won't be on the streets if you break up as you can afford your own place / a flatshare.
Be honest and tell him he needs to:
a) stop holding your job loss against you
b) accept that mental illness is caused by chemical malfunctions in the brain.
Or
You two need to accept that it won't work and you can go your own separate ways on friendly terms.
You are the way you are and although you should get medical help when you have a depressive episode, you have to accept yourself and enjoy the life you've been given.
Good Luck!! xx
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