A
male
age
41-50,
*ak123
writes:Was wondering if you could give advise on a girl I've liked for a long time. We've know each other for about 4 years , we've been on holiday together a couple of times and used to meet up to go to the cinema and out to restaurants, it's always been a fairly platonic relationship but we do flirt. The problem is I've liked her for a long time and maybe it's due to me never getting the guts to make a move on her that things have never changed, but out of respect and not being 100% sure where I stand. Although I've known this girl 4 years I've been in and out of relationships. During one of the relationships she came out and told me she liked me (the whole time I have known her she's never approached a man before so it must have been a big step for her) and I almost left the relationship for her, but I thought that was the wrong thing to do. After that, things have been a bit strained between us. It's like sometimes we are not being honest to each other, or the trust has been broken.Our paths keep crossing and we always seem to be in a similar place in life, we have very similar values and we get on well. I know attraction isn't based on logic, but she's really hard to get to open up again. I know she has trust issues with men and she's not been in a relationship the whole time I have known her. After she told me she liked me she never really opened up to me again. When we were talking the other night she said if we didn't work at the same company it would be so much easier. I respect her rational approach, but is that just an excuse or a nice way to push me away?I guess I don't know if I should just let it go, it just seems sad that potentially we could make things work, everyone comments saying that we should get together and it just seems we could be missing out on something that could be good. Any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (13 May 2013):
 Hi, you have your answer, you need to pluck up the courage to lay your heart out to her and let her see that you regret the initial decision. Also if you want her, you need to be romantic, woman love surprises. Send her flowers, send her good morning messages and thinking of you.
You want something - fight for it. If she was intersted in you and there is no other guy in her life, she will give you a seond chance, you just need to prove to her you are worth it.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (12 May 2013):
Think about it from her viewpoint. She did open up, and you turned her down. Why would she want to do that again?
If you want to have any chance of things going further, you’ve now got to show the same courage you did, be honest and fight for her. Did you make a mistake turning her down? Was it because you were trying not to hurt the other girl you were seeing? Did you say no because you were fearful of things going further? Were you just taken by surprise and so said the wrong thing?
You need to show her why you turned her down and what’s changed, and be honest about your feelings. Otherwise you won’t go beyond this platonic friendship you enjoy together. The ball is entirely in your court now because you can’t ask anything more of her.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 May 2013):
 Hi
No, don't let it go, be bold, tell her how you feel and ask if there's a future together.
She had the guts to open up, but cos of your response now doesn't think you want more than platonic friendship.
Put her straight, until you do she will stay closed and you will never know what might be.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 May 2013):
 Yes, she had the guts to tell you how she felt, how about you having the guts to tell her you regret pushing her away and would appreciate her giving you a second chance.
It might take her a while to get back onto a footing of being comfortable at being open and honest about her feelings for you, but surely its worth your taking a chance?
Good luck!
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