A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a young female 26 and my boyfriend (soon to be husband) is 42 we have been together for 5 yers. I am in love with him but sometimes I don't know if he feels the same way. We have kids together and i think he think i'm not sexy anymore. He looks at a lot of porn, and we never try anything new in our sex life. I try to get him to open up but i'm not getting anywhere. we don't even have foreplay. I like to try different things when we are making love like, Ice, Ice cream, etc. and he is not down with that he lets me ride him once in a blue moon.What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): Strange!! He doesn't mind looking at pornography, but when you try to do exciting things in the bedroom he doesn't like it. Very strange indeed. Pornography should make him more adventurous, it shouldn't leave him as boring as this.
When men are bad lovers, forget to give a woman foreplay and are boring in bed, I suggest the woman in question stops all sexual activity until the man is horny enough to start behaving better. I suggest you start looking at pornography too, and masturbate using it, right in front of his face. If you see something you like, then be vocal and loud about telling him you'd like to do that because it turns you on. If he won't give you foreplay, then you shouldn't have penetrative sex with him. Women need foreplay to get wet, otherwise sex becomes uncomfortable and can hurt like hell. He sounds lazy and selfish, and you should never have let him have sex without having foreplay first. You need to take control in the bedroom, if he won't play along, then kick him out of bed and use your vibrator instead.
You talk about him "letting you" as if he is in charge and you must ask permission to get your sexual needs met. That's not the way it should be honeypie, sex should be a two way thing and should be about sharing, giving instead of all take-take-take. You must take back control of your bedroom, if he won't play and have fun, then why go to the trouble of having bad sex with him. Stuff if he likes it or not, if you want ice-cream then bring it in the bedroom and use it. If he won't play nicely, then go and watch a porno yourself and eat the ice-cream. Sorry, but I hate bad sex, and if a man can't be bothered to learn and turn a woman on, I don't see the point of having sex with him at all.. That's my five cents worth, and that's what I would do if I found myself in the same situation as you.
A
female
reader, geechi3 +, writes (6 November 2008):
 I agree with the previous poster. But as a female I just get angry that someone so young is experiencing a problem where the man she loves is lacking interest in her sexually. I know I might be getting off topic here but it just seems that some men have been completely misled as to what women should look like, act like etc. Porn is SOOOO not a true representation of REAL women. GRRRR!
In addition to the other guys suggestions...you just might want to directly ask him what's going on. Couples not having fun exciting sex is like having a pink elephant in the room. He's aware of it....you're aware of it. Talk about it. Talk about the times when things were hot and steamy. Bring a bottle of wine!!!! Who knows maybe even talking about it might turn both of you on.
In the meantime of working out the kinks of your relationship....I say empower yourself! Get a cool vibrator and explore your own sexual fantasies. Exercise...eat right.. Make sure you take care of #1...you!!
You deserve the best and I wish you the best of luck!
p.s. Keep in mind you are approaching your sexual peak and he's coming down from his (isn't it 18 for guys? and 30's for women?)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): To be honest it sounds like you are both on a different sexual wavelength, completely. Which, whilst some would say sex shouldn't be that important in a relationship, I personally believe that it is a large part of any relationship.
You want to experiment, which is fine. He doesn't, which is also fine. It is the fact that you are together and both want different things that is a problem. Also, watching porn, over doing the real thing seems (imo) a little odd, but may be an age thing. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the occasional viewing, but I have never chosen a fantasy over the reality that is my wife.
I think the key to your problem is honesty and, if all else fails, agression. If there is one thing I have found that most men have in common, it's the love of a woman who takes control in the bedroom. Don't ask, just do. If you know he's watching porn, just walk in on him and tell him you want him to do to you what they are doing on the screen, otherwise he'll be sorry!
If he stops you during, maybe the problem is deeper.
I can only speak from my own personal experiences. But, I really think, if that is the case, you need to reconsider your relationship. Or, put up with an unfulfilling life of boredom.
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