A
male
age
41-50,
*ainchild
writes:Hello,The entire fours years her and I have been together I have been faithful. She has refused to marry me and gives me a bullshit excuse about beliefs. It has eaten me up really badly. I tried to make her come around by making her jealous. I posted ads on the internet and even sent pics of myself to a few other people. It wasn't until recently she found anything. She got way more than jealous and I'm afraid I've ruined a really really good relationship. She is now convinced I was looking to cheat. How do I prove to her that I was just desperate to make the most important thing in life to me mine?
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female
reader, Ask_HanBan  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 try talk to her, ask her why she has commitment fears, maybe its not you, maybe she fears of being hurt and betrayed but if you were married then it would be a really messy split,
good luck.
just talk
tell her how you feel
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (25 June 2007):
 Cope by accepting that she does not share your desire for the deep commitment you so desperately crave.
If I had a direct line to Dr. Phil I would send you to him straight away. He's got the medicine you need to take to understand the truth of the situation.
Take ownership of your choices. You are choosing to continue to believe some fantasy that she will eventually say yes to your proposals. In her mind, she has been as direct with you as possible short of ending the relationship. At best she is satisfied with the status quo. At worst she would prefer to end it with you but hasn't got the courage to tell you.
It's not her fault that you refuse to take "no" for an answer. But I'm likely wasting my time trying to persuade you to see it that way.
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A
male
reader, Cainchild +, writes (25 June 2007):
Cainchild is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI listen to her feelings, and the fact that after fours years she still has cold feet for commitment, and the way that this effects my feelings, how exactly am I to cope with that?
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (25 June 2007):
Wow, what a passive-aggressive move. Did you for once ever consider listening to what she is trying to tell you?
You were afraid of the truth. You did something to put the onus on her to strike the decisive blow. And she did it. Congratulations!
At best she is comfortable with the status quo of relationship. You are not. It sounds to me like you cannot handle the truth of the situation, and your denials will destroy the relationship - guaranteed.
I won't validate your passive-aggressive behaviour. Be a man and face up to the fact that she does not want to marry. What sound like BS excuses to you may be the honest truth coming from her. If you don't face up to reality she will finish with you entirely, and you won't even have friendship as a consolation prize.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): Was it really a good relationship when you remember that she isn't interested in marrying, even after 4 years?
Don't let her manipulate you in to believing that it is from your mistake that the relationship is failing. I reckon the relationship had no future for her a long time ago, and your mistake is her get out clause.
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A
female
reader, Ask_HanBan +, writes (25 June 2007):
Why did you do that in the first place?
A piece of advice thats too late,dont do anything that will baclfire!!! Most guys would want a girl who isn't jelous or posessive.
The fact that you describe you gf reasons as "bull shit" shows you have no regard for her feelings!
if i were her i would run from u but i'm not so my best advice is beg, apologize and get over your issues you have
good luk! (not that u deserve it)
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