A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im at an age where I've lost a lot of friends for various reasons over the years and trying to make more interesting new friends so I msged an aquantance with a common interest and all seemed well and positive. She said she would talk to her friends who I also have met and might be interested (this was something common I had with them).Few days later I msged to confirm if they were still interested as the event was coming up and I haven't had a reply.I don't feel like I was pushy or rude but I do find a nonresponse as rude.Am I in the wrong or right? Where do I go from here? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2018): I've recently had to make friends as I moved to a new city alone, aged 37. I was really scared because I thought that I wouldn't be able to find people at my age. I was wrong! I've made lots of friends but it took time, it didn't work the first time, it worked after about 6 months of effort. Things I did: signed up for a nine month Saturday class in something I was interested in. I made one good friend here. 2) meetup.com - joined a hiking group and went every Sunday. Now I have a hiking group that we've formed organically from that and they are awesome 3) Let people know at work that I was in the market for friends. One woman started inviting me to yoga. Another, we don't see each other out of work, but we have become quite close at work. Making friends didn't happen with just one reach out, it happened slowly over a period of time and many people I reached out to did not take me up on it. A lot of people already have too much going on in their lives and don't have time for a new friend, but a lot of people are in the same boat as you. A LOT. Keep doing social things that you enjoy and they will come. Key is to go to a group where you keep seeing the same people. I read somewhere that it takes something like 90 hours in a person's company to form a friendship. Sounds about right to me
A
female
reader, malvern  +, writes (29 November 2018):
 If they can't be bothered to reply then just forget them and move on. If people were really interested they'd get back to you. Unfortunately not everybody is polite as you. Find other people to do things with
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 November 2018):
 It could be that you came on a bit to strong when messaging her out off the blue. She may have thought you where looking for more than a friendship or she may have simply didn't know how to respond when you asked her and her friends to meet up out off the blue. I mean how well did you know this woman?
I agree yes it does come across as rude, but when people don't reply it usually shows they are not interested they just don't know how to word it. So I think you need to accept that she has no interest in forming any kind of relationship with you. You are not right or wrong. But maybe start by just being friendly with people and getting to know them without looking for to much to quick.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 November 2018):
 I don't think you are doing it wrong per say, but you are presuming that THEY also want to make new friends.
You also started off by messaging a woman. So is it REALLY a friend you are looking for? She might think you had a different ulterior motive. Or her BF thought you were looking to find a way "in" romantically.
So if you are going to message people online that you think you share common interests with, maybe try guys first?
And maybe you should try meetup group events where EVERYONE is looking to meet new people. I think making friends (REAL friends) is best done in person.
I have met some really nice people while volunteering and we have all met up a few times, it's really nice but not "overwhelming". So that is another way to meet new people.
Don't feel bad that this attempt didn't work, try again, try different things and definitely different people.
Whatever event you were talking to her about, maybe attend it alone and see who you might run into and get to know?
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