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male
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anonymous
writes: I was secretly in love with a girl for 6 years and never had the guts to walk up to her and tell her. she was very friendly and nice. when she moved away i started calling her and she became extremely friendly and that egged me on. Finally I mustered up enough courage and called her one night to tel her my feelings for her. Unfortunately for me her mobile phone was out of range. I was so desperate I kept trying to call her all night but without any luck. Next day she saw that there were 76 missed calls on her phone from me the night before!! She then wrote me an email saying that she guessed what i might want to talk to her about and that she wanted a straightforward friendship. I wrote back begging to talk to her, she told me politely she would rather communicate on email. I was shattered and have not caalled her since. This was nearly a year ago and I cant reconcile myself. I cant forget her, I tried! I feel like my life is completely meanigless. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2006): You have very strong emotions going on here and you will need time to get those feelings into perspective, dear. If it's been a year..I would say you are obssessing overly much about this person. Sometimes with an unrequited love, one can't fall out of love with someone overnight but one has to arrive at 'acceptance' and grieve for this lost love. However, I hope you haven't become so mournful, that you aren't becoming withdrawn from everyday life. It's vital that you get out and fill your time constructively before depression overtakes you. You have to be strong and deal with the fact..that she just wants to be friends..nothing more.
Surround yourself with friends, and lean on them to help regain control. Talking will help get things in perspective, but if that makes you feel uncomfortable then just time spent having a laugh in their company can remind you that there's more fun to be had being a free agent. Get out and try your best to live and enjoy your life. If you can't do that..seek some therapeutic counselling from someone trained to help you. I worry that you may be hurting so much, that real life is passing you by. You definitely need to heal from this and move on. Please get some help..and I sincerely wish you well.
Hugs, Irish
A
female
reader, Stacey_Helps +, writes (20 January 2006):
I can see from your column that you are feeling as if you have nothing else and as you put it your life is meaningless. This is understandable as your offer of love was rejected. However this girl obviously realised that your feelings were growing for her from friendship to much more. She may have felt that by keeping things to email only would be easier and didnt want to lead you on anymore into thinking that you could be more than friends. Have you tried meeting someone new? I understand that you feel as if you cant gt over this girl but when you meet someone who recipicates your feelings you will realise that it was her loss and that you deserve more. Try socialising more and getting to meet new people. Keep trying, if you keep thinking that your life is meaningless when its not then it will eat away at you and you will eventually become bitter. There is someone out there who deserves your heart dont give up hope.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2006): My heart goes out to you!To be in love with this lady for six years! The only advice I can give you is this. Don't ruin your friendship over this. Email her like she suggested. Respect her feelings though, and keep things on a friendship basis..as you just can't make someone "Love You!" I know this is extremely hard for you. This way you will still have a connection with her,even though its just a friendship! Which in my opionion is better than nothing at all. You might want to make mention that your friendship means the world to you. This might take any pressure off of her from before. Have the courage, and hopefully your life won't feel so meaningless and empty!I wish you all the best! ;)
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