A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend fell out 3 weeks ago and after 1 week of not speaking I rang him to apologise but he didn't answer so i left a message. 2 weeks later I had heard nothing back so I rang him to try and sort things out and he told me he thought I was a great person but he didn't think we were suited together and we should just be friends. It has totally devastated me because we got on so well and I don't know how he can say we aren't suited just because of one argument. We had been together 8 months and I have never been as happy with anyone as I was with him. I don't know how to cope or move on from him and I can't think of anything else. It's making me so upset and depressed that it is over, what can I do?
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female
reader, Midge +, writes (22 June 2008):
 I know if may sound really terrible but there is no easy way to get over someone. I am a very big believer in the fact that an ex is an ex for a reason.
Okay so you had an argument and you at least had the guts to call him and apologise. That takes courage because most people would just wait until the other came to apologise. The fact that he gave you such a rediculous excuse just shows that he is somewhat immature and probably too immature for you. I know it sounds harsh but trust me, I have MANY years of experience in this, and can honestly say that if he doesnt want to be with you for whatever reason, dust yourself off and go heal your heart before you go with anyone else.
Also, if I can give you some advice. NEVER walk away from a partner without sorting out your argument. The last time I argued with my boyfriend (some 15 years ago now), I never had the opportunity to say sorry or goodbye. He died that night on his motorbike and no-one told me until the day after his funeral when everyone was wondering why I wasnt there. A very hard lesson to learn and one that I have ALWAYS remembered. You dont get over that easily, so never walk away if you havent sorted out a problem. Dont let them walk away either.
A
male
reader, Smita  +, writes (22 June 2008):
I am in the same situation.About 8-9 Months, I am 23years old male and my girl used to tell me things no one had before.How much she loved me and tha she have never felt like this before and i could tell she wasn\t lying because when you touch the person or when you have sex with a person you can always say how the your mate feels.She loved me,and everything we did,so did I. I have loved before ,suffered before,but that is the biggest love I ever had.She dumped me because I did some drugs,but just from time to time. We split up like 10 times because we used to argue about this.I hurted her a lot b ecause everytime she believed in me for a week or a month and than it happened again.She warned me that her feelings are turning colder and that I will drive her to the point she will be able to go on without me.I didn't believe because everytime she used to come back and sacrifice hrself for me.She did a lot things for me.I alwayse loved her and she knew it but still said one day will get over me and leave me for good.Well the day came and now I don\t want to work I don't wANT to clean my car,room,nothing.It has been a month and a half.In the beggining i couldn't eat or sleep.She now has another boy and refuses to admit it to me.I don't know whether not to hurt me or why.We had once prommissed that if either one of us happens to want another person will always tell that to the other.When I ask her she says: you don't have the right to ask me that after which she says no there isn't anyone,or anyone I want.But she left for the countryside at a hotel refusing to tell me with who.Than yesterday i woke up at 4 o'clock in the morning having this terrible feeling that my baby(and she is really beautifull) is sleeping with him(who i don't know)cause she didn't tell me nothing.I felt her having sex with someone else,being touched by someone else at the places she has always claimed i touched her the best ever.Well the pain is like i've been stabed with a knife in the hearth but not only once dieing after that,but thousands of times.It hurts like dieing but the worst part is that you don't die.I live but i walk like I'm a ghost.I think about that at my work,university,failed my exams and the pain is burning me alive!I promissed to start moovimg forward with my life,with my job in hp,and so on.I try and go out working out at the fitness jym,but still i can't achieve good results because i do not sleep or eat well.Every morning i wake up earlier than i need to for work having dreams of her.Man I want to live, I am young,but if this doesen't end I don't know for how long I will be able to handle it.This is not life,thiss is hell.Some friends are almost makin fum of me ,but a person who haven't loved that much and haven't been through situation like this doesen't know how that feels.I don't know what advice to give you except not to do my mistake-calling and text messageing too much,but you said you didn't call him for a week or two which is preety good.Showing no interest is the best you can do,which I couldn't but you say you did.I wish I could help you,but unfortunatelly noone can help us both.Sorry
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): Unfortunately there is no painless way to get over someone who finishes with you. The best you can do is accept that things are over as soon as possible and try not to dwell on him. When a boy says he just wants to be friends, it's a polite and guilt free way for him to say ' I don't fancy you anymore and I want to move on'. Of course nobody wants to hear this but try to remember that it happens to almost everyone in their life and most relationships don't work out for one reason or another.Do yourself a favour, rally your friends around you and get out as much as you can. Put away everything that reminds you of him. Things he bought you, tickets to places you went, pictures or him etc. Free your personal space of anything related to him, wipe his numbers from your phone and everytime a thought of him comes into your head, just mentally imagine a big STOP sign in front of you to block the memories. Its not that you can never think of him again but it's not a good idea when you are still in the 'pain zone'. In a few months time you will have probably found someone else and thoughts of him wont hurt as much.Youre a young woman who has a world of opportunity before you. Around every corner could be another great person to get to know or a new love interest to sweep you off your feet. I know you liked this boy but you cannot force him to like you back. Men do not have the same thoughts and feelings over relationships as women and they can be very unemotional about break ups. DO NOT let it hurt you further. Be brave and have the dignity to walk away from him and never look back. Belive me it will make you look wonderful.If he comes back on his own then you can reconsider, but don't chase him as it will drive him further away.I hope your pain eases soon.Good luck and take care
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