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female
,
anonymous
writes: I cant get over my ex boyfriend, i tried dating other guys, sleeping with other guys, going out every weekend but its not working he is in my head everyday everynight. I took peoples advice and tried to move on as he obviously is as he wasnt answering my calls but i dont know what to do. Am i a loser? help!!!
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (31 August 2006):
 What Pete said! Please take the time to read and understand what he is trying to say.
A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (31 August 2006):
 I would never have the cheek to say you are a loser, but as Yos said merely sleeping with and dating men like that wont fix the problem nor will it fill the void that seems to be missing in your life at the moment. Break ups are tough, I know that my dear, but they are part of life, I sound like a broken LP but time heals, it really does, sooner or later you will start to feel yourself again, but if you just go out seeking men for the sake of it like that, reality will hit you that deep down you are not truly happy, and you deserve to be happy with the right guy, when the time is right. Take care and do look after yourself. xXx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006): You're not a loser. Some people, guys and girls, react in this way when they break from a relationship.
It is because you feel rejected, and worthless. You want to feel loved and shown affection again so you seek it through sex, usually promiscuously or in unhealthy, casual and short-term relationships.
It's not so much that you need to move on - it's that you have to come to terms with accepting the relationship is over but that its failure is not a reflection of you as a person.
If he broke up with you, or you broke up for reasons that were seen as your fault, instead of blaming yourself, you must look at what happened as experience for when you are next ready to have a proper relationship
As you have probably realised yourself, acting promiscuously or getting in to casual relationships only harms yourself further. When we are in emotional pain, we tend to punish ourselves by going through these experiences. You must work on your self-belief and confidence and things will fall in to place and you will find that you have "moved on". Only then, will this need to get back with your ex-boyfriend stop; and instead, you'll be focused on the future and ready to get in to another relationship.
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (31 August 2006):
Sleeping with other guys is a good way to not fix your problem. Not only are you not giving those guys a fair chance if they happen to want a relationship with you (some just might...) since you are in rebound mode, but you're just hitting yourself in the face emotionally. You'll just go on to build up even more baggage if you are not careful.
I suggest you spend your time hanging out with your best female friends, and treat yourself to the things you know you love. You deserve some TLC... something you can give yourself. Lay off the men for a while and focus on the other good stuff in your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2006): How long has he been your EX-boyfriend? It takes time to get over someone you were dating and very involved with.
You have to allow some time - its not fair to yourself or to other men to date and sleep around when your heart is still elsewhere, you know! First you have to face the fact that he is no longer in your life. Have to really accept that.
Did you both have a good talk about why he broke up with you? Did he tell you what caused it, and were you both trying to deal with problems in the months before the break-up happened?
If it was very sudden and unexpected, with no explanation, you might want to write a letter telling him how you feel and expressing your hurt and anger, and puzzled (if you are puzzled) as to why he ended it. In other words, get your thoughts and emotions down on paper. However, you may want to wait a while before actually SENDING it!
This might help you to start coming to terms with the break-up and to begin healing. And no, you're not a loser! Just very unhappy right now, and needing to get your life back on track.
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