A
male
age
36-40,
*affledd
writes:What should i do? im soo confused.ive known this girl for 3 and a half months and things have developed quickly. i really really like her maybe even love her. In the space of time we've known each other we've been together once and within a week we decided to go back to being friends. the feelings just kept getting stronger and we ended up talking about getting back together and her telling me that she loved me. then all of a sudden things took a bad turn, she claimed she couldnt carry on like this and didnt want to be with me because she didnt want to end up getting hurt. This has happened several times but we've always talked about it and worked things out. it wasnt happening this time. so i decided to surprise her at her work place and took the time to travel to central london from west where she worked. i got there and i saw her walking out with a male colleague. she seemed shocked to see me but not at all pleased. i asked her to spare me some time to talk things over, and she said she couldnt because she was having coffee with the other guy, and she also said i should have told her i was coming. i was very disappointed and went back home. she text me several hours later apologising and claiming that she had to sort something out for her male colleague. i text her back with 'i have nothing to say to you' and havent spoken to her since!! i cant get over her and im really feeling at an all time low. what should i do? pleasse help me out!!Thanks
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (13 May 2007):
 It's entirely your call Baffledd. If you think she deserves another chance and that you can handle the possibility of her doing similar to you then by all means, go for it. YOU are in control of your own mind here. But let her know she really hurt you doing what she did. 2 strokes and she's out!!!
Eve
A
male
reader, Baffledd +, writes (13 May 2007):
Baffledd is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ok just when i was over the gurl (and after weathering all that emotional torture), she waltz back into my life apologising and asking for another chance. shes claiming that shes only made one mistake and each person deserves another chance, but to what extent? i mean everytime i try and think of forgiving her i get flashbacks of how she treated me that day. shes really f**ked me up but im over that stage now, should i give her a second chance. Even if its just as 'friends' to start off with?Please help methank you
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A
male
reader, Baffledd +, writes (10 May 2007):
Baffledd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advise guys, im begining to see the light.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (10 May 2007):
YOU NEED TO MOVE ON... You CAN move on but maybe you don't really want to, hoping that all this will come right again and she'll get in touch declaring her undying love for you (or similar). Remember always, YOU have a mind, your feelings come from your mind therefore you can control your feelings. In other words, YOU are in charge and nobody else. YOU determine the future.
So if you want to forget her (which I would strongly advise as all she'll bring you is sadness and heartache) then take the steps to do so, DELETE her from your contact list on your PC, CHANGE your phone number, GET RID of any past conversations or letters. BE POSITIVE about your moving on. Tell yourself she isn't worth your time and trouble... because she really isn't. You put yourself out for her and she threw it back in your face. DON'T give her the chance to ever do that to you again!
Eve
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2007): I wud back off and see how she reacts.Be prepared that she may not come running desperate not to lose u.U r young & there are plenty of fish in the sea as they say.
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A
male
reader, Baffledd +, writes (10 May 2007):
Baffledd is verified as being by the original poster of the question"The fact she went with her work colleague instead speaks volumes, don't you think?"
Eve i have never thought about this doint this for a girl and when i have shes thrown it right back in my face, which really hurts, and really want to move on but i just cant. as a female P.O.V what would you suggest i do. thanks
"It just happens that your love for her perks her up when she needs a dose of good feeling. Kind of like an apple a day, but for emotions."
SleepHollow that line stands out to me as she used to call me whenever she was feeling low, i'd cheer her up. but i assumed thats what all people do when they in a relationship or are really intimate. i dont even really know what to think i am so goddamn confused and feel so damn used!
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A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (10 May 2007):
I see. You like her, and she's giving mixed signals from "yes, she likes to you" to "she can't stand you."You oscillate between loving her and hating her, and then feeling guilty for loving her and hating her.I've been there before, in a similar situation. It just happens that your love for her perks her up when she needs a dose of good feeling. Kind of like an apple a day, but for emotions.Now, it doesn't mean that she isn't fond of you. It just means that her feelings for you are more selfish and self-centered. Doesn't really make her a bad person either. But even then, at this point in time she neither deserves your love or your hate. Tell her that you need a break, and then get out there with the friends you've been neglecting because of your pursuit of her. Fill your life again with the usual bustle of social activities, friends, music, and work. Perhaps when you meet up again with her in a couple of months, maybe things will go differently.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (10 May 2007):
She doesn't want to be with you I'm afraid, she just didn't know how to let you down gently. Her texting you later and apologising was just to free her of her guilt! If she had any feelings for you whatsoever she would have MADE time to be with you, at least for a coffee. The fact she went with her work colleague instead speaks volumes, don't you think?
Whether she fancies this guy is not the point. She virtually snubbed you after you going to all that effort! I would forget her and move on. What you did was a lovely romantic gesture and she threw it back in your face. She's really not worthy of your attention. I would find some other woman who IS worthy of you and who can love you back in return.
Eve
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