A
female
age
36-40,
*aula_xxoo
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost 1 year in march. I love him so much and he means the world to me, he broke up with me early in our relationship which I put down to him being on steroids. His whole attitude towards me and life changed dramatically I tried to make him see this as I didn't want to break up, after four weeks of trying to get him back I ran myself into the ground lost 8 kilos it was the worst breakup I ever had. Finally 2 months later I was just starting to feel like I would be ok and he came back to me saying he made a mistake and he missed me and loved me. I stupidly took him back because I have never loved anyone the way I love him. Anyway! Now we are together again and things were amazing the first month but lately we just seem to be getting on each others nerves. He constantly blames me for everything he never takes responsibility for what he says or does that upsets me. He keeps telling me I'm a miserable person an that I'll never be happy with anybody, it's not true! He used to be a heavy used of drugs when he was younger he's been clean for almost 2 years and he has told me before he has permanent damage from the drug use. He's always telling me how miserable and depressed I am but he's the only person who says it. I've changed the way I act towards him and he's still mean to me, he says he doesn't want to break up with me and that he can't but he needs me to change. I honestly can't see what I'm doing wrong if I did then I would change. I don't want to leave him because I love him I just don't know what to do anymore. Thanks And sorry for my bad grammar lol Xx
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broke up, depressed, drugs Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Paula_xxoo +, writes (2 February 2014):
Paula_xxoo is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou Xx
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (2 February 2014):
 it sounds like you're sticking with the lesser of two evils. you're so used to being physically and emotionally abused, that you put up with this guy because he's not physically abusive like the others. but he's still emotionally abusive. and just because he's not as bad as the others, doesn't make him any good.
he tells you that you have mental issues? i don't get where somebody feels like they have the right to speak to someone like that. and the fact that he's so controlling to the point where he doesn't allow you to have friends is a very bad sign. that's a definite sign of an abuser.
i hope you stop putting up with this behavior and realize you're worth so much more than this. you may not be physically abused like in the past, but you are still being emotionally abused. and you don't deserve it.
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A
female
reader, Paula_xxoo +, writes (2 February 2014):
Paula_xxoo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso I'm not miserBle with him, only when he goes on his rants about me being so depressed and miserable. Otherwise we are pretty happy together when we don't argue he's just constantly picking about every single thing I say to him.
I do love him and I hope he stops doing this because I can't hold on for much longer. Not to mention him being so controlling I'm not allowed to see any of my gfs because he thinks I'll cheat on him when I'm with them. Sorry for the rant but I just needed to get it all out! Xx
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A
female
reader, Paula_xxoo +, writes (2 February 2014):
Paula_xxoo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks heaps for both replies it helps to get an outsiders opinion sometimes.
I'm embarrassed to bring up councelling simply because we haven't even been together for a year.
He constantly tells me I have mental issues and I need councelling
I've never been a drug user/alcohol abuser and I've had a pretty good upbringing and nothing really to make me believe there is something wrong with me. I am a 26 year old single mum and have had lots of abusive relationships to be honest when I met this current bf I thought he was the best man I had ever met and he's never hit me before unlike the other men I have had in the past.
I really thank you for your replies they mean the world to me
Xx thanks guys.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 February 2014):
You have GOT to end it with this man. He is a major emotional abuser, and he has some massive mental issues clearly caused by drugs that are now affecting any relationship he can have. This man knows what he is doing. He is manipulating you to co control you. Do you really think that he actually broke up with you? He didn't. He treated you badly, then dumped you to cause you to go into a bit of a mess, then came back knowing that you'd take him back so he could treat you even more badly.
Let's be clear. A man who loves you don't play with your heart. He doesn't call you a miserable person and say that you'll never be happy with anyone. He doesn't dump you. He isn't mean to you. He won't ever expect you to change for him.
Do you not see? This man is destroying you because he likes to you. So you're left with the choice you don't want to make. Either you end it, or you accept that this is how it will be with him and he'll pretty much wreck whoever you are. This whole relationship is screaming that it needs to be ended by you so you can find someone who isn't out of his mind, and actually very dangerous to women.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 February 2014):
wow, if you're boyfriend is telling you all the time about how miserable and depressing you are, i'd definitely say something is very wrong.
in a healthy relationship, you don't speak like that to each other. ever. it sounds like he's very condescending and disrespectful. and that's definitely not okay.
it just sounds like you two aren't compatible, to be honest. you haven't been together even a full year yet, and you're already having so many problems. it doesn't seem good.
if he's as unhappy with you as he claims to be, and you're as miserable being with him as it sounds, what's the point? life is way too short to spend it with someone who makes you uhnappy.
people often try to force relationships when they have nothing in common because they truly do love each other. but love really, truly, is not enough sometimes. i was with my ex a couple of years back. i genuinely loved her. i really did. and she loved me. but we were soooooo different. too different. we had issues very similar to the two of you. we struggled just to get along and make each other happy. we gave it our all, but in the end, we were just too differen't. too incompatible. when she broke up with me, i was devistated. i practically begged her to just let us try harder. she refused. after no more than a month of being broken up and apart, i realized how much happier i was. i was constantly feeling inadequate and like i wasn't good enough while we were together. it took a lot of my self esteem away. it was no way to live. she did us a favor; i just didn't know it at the time. she realized what i should have realized sooner - we just weren't meant to be.
i think you should really think about this. you can't force compatibility, no matter how much you try.
if you really are dead set on trying to stay together no matter what, and make it work, i suggest counseling. i really don't see any other way.
good luck.
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