A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,A few years before meeting my boyfriend, I flew back to my homeland to spend some time with my family. I was then introduced to a close family friend, who was just 2 years older than I. He was really handsome and he became interested in me right away. I thought he seemed like a nice guy, but I wasn't interested in getting involved with anyone because I knew it would be over soon, as I would have to fly back home. However, he was very persistent and insisted that I'd give him a chance and get to know him. So everyday he would go see me, and we would spend time together. As I got to know him more, I began to really like him. He was caring, had strong beliefs and morals, had a great personality and sense of humor, was very family-oriented, honest, humble, very attentive, and not to mention very handsome.As time went by, we would spend more time with each other and eventually he asked me out on an actual date and it went so well. We talked and laughed and went out for ice cream, since I had mentioned to him when we first met that ice cream was my weak spot. At the end of the night, he kissed me for the first time and I don't know which one of us was happier. Many more dates followed, and after that came more deep conversations, and thus a deeper connection. He promised me he would move to where I lived in the states, I just had to be patient and give him time to sort everything out. We both didn't want to rush into anything, so we decided to try things out long distance for a while and get to know each other even more through talking and letters. His grandpa lives here in the states only about an hour from where my I live, so he decided he'd get everything together, move in with him at first, get up on his feet, find a job, save up, and he also wanted to finish school, and then move out on his own, close to where I was so we could have a normal relationship and enjoy each other's company.A year went by and there were times I missed him so much, I would break down and cry. He wrote me religiously, and always called when he could between school and work. He grew even closer to my family, and was always over helping with whatever he could. We grew very close during that year, although physically we were very far apart. Once every month, we would make each other homemade gifts with a meaning behind it, and ship it to each other. We always found ways to keep the relationship alive but eventually something would always come up, and his trip would always be postponed. From one month to the next, to the next, to the next. Eventually, I began to lose hope and wondered if our relationship would make it through this distance. It's tough having to miss someone every day and not being able to hold them, or have them there when you need them. Time went by, and I eventually decided to end things because the distance was too much. It wasn't for sure that he would be able to come be with me and I told him that in order for us to really be able to move on, the best thing to do was to stop talking for a while. He didn't agree with me or with ending things, but he respected my decision.A few months passed and I began college. A few months more passed and I met someone. More time passed and we got to know each other. We became good friends and eventually he asked me out, and I said yes. We have a good relationship. He cares for me and he's a great guy.A few days ago, I got home from work and heard a message left on the machine. It was my ex-boyfriend. He called to tell me that he kept his promise. He's living an hour away now and he asked me to please give him a chance to talk and to see me again. I felt so happy, and then I felt guilty... I have a boyfriend now. He left me his new number and I called back. We talked for hours and nothing had seemed to change. He asked me to go see him this weekend. I said I would.I don't know what to do. I never really stopped caring for this guy. There were nights I still stayed up to read his letters, and there were nights I still missed him very much. But there were also days I spent with my now-boyfriend that were great. He's truly a wondeful person and he doesn't deserve to get hurt. However, he's not someone I can see a future with, as we have very different goals. And as I said, our relationship is good, but not great. There are time when things couldn't be better, but more often than that, I feel like something's missing. What do I do? I literally broke down, just thinking about how much this would hurt him. That's the last thing I want to do, yet it seems like there's no other way? I wasn't expecting this. I didn't plan it. I told myself I would move on and be happy, but what happens now?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): I just read your story... Don't stay in a relationship were you don't see a long term future, it isn't worth loosing a great love were you did!
From what I understand the only thing that wasn't working from your previous relationship was that he still hadn't made that effort to move but now he has, he is sending you a rope.. take it... He came, he forfilled his promise for you and just before Valentimes day.. Thats incredibly romantic if you ask me... So what are you waiting for??
See him don't live don't live with regret my dear.. life is way too short and he sounds like he is the one... But you must be honest and tell him everything... As for the current bf well I would end it... You can do it after you see him or before but that's what I would do. Yes he will ge hurt but he doesn't need to know about him you can just say you didn't see a long term future and you are sorry.
Ohhh and my last advice spend Valentine's Day with the one you love not the one you feel obliged too, I know this is all hard and I have been through it but I have lived with regret and wouldn't wish it on anyone.. You have a chance take it =)
I wish you luck with your dilemma and hope this helps...
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