A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 23 year-old woman who's been facing a weird problem of late. One of my close male friends had recently expressed his fondness for me and politely I've let him know that I only consider him a friend and like him ONLY that way(NB:I'm in a relationship since two years and he knows that. I share all the details of my life with him, he's very close to me.). Ever since that he has started avoiding me to the extent of not responding to my texts or even answering phone calls! I indeed miss him terribly. I'm at my wit's end since I can't talk to him about how miserable I feel. What should I do now? Should I talk to him once I meet him at the University? Honestly, I'm just afraid of any kind of humiliation in public.Any kind of advice is highly appreciated. Thank you so much for your precious patience and time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I agree that's true! Thanks again. :)
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 November 2012):
 You are right OP, the fact that you enjoy his company more than your boyfriend's, has given him the idea that you have feelings for him. I have a feeling you have also told him this, at some point of time, that you like his company more.
Men are a weird lot OP, and Indian men(no offence to anyone!) have hugely inflated egos'. They generally tend to have a very high opinion of themselves for no apparent reason but that is mainly because of their cultural socialization. So its like you cordially greet a guy and he'll turn to his friends and say, "look, she's interested in me". You ask a guy a simple question and he'll tell his friends that "she's coming on to me." And God forbid if you do like the wrong person, the whole planet will receive the news that you are throwing yourself on him and sleeping with him!
Do you get the point? Small instances get blown massively out of proportion. In your case, you are like minded and you made the big mistake of telling him that you like his company more than your boyfriend's! Boom! That did it! Add to it the fact that you are a good natured person who's been genuinely nice to him and the fact that you've shared details of your life with him...its all exploded into one BIG misconception.
Right now he's probably mad at you for "misleading" him. I bet he thinks that you led him on and that's why he's behaving this way with you.
OP if I can give you a word of advice, I'll say that henceforth share this kind of a rapport only with your boyfriend or with a male friend who's mature enough to understand a platonic friendship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnonymous writer friend: Yeah, I've understood that, but at least he could have shared it with me, he knows that I understand his issues. Why would he alienate himself all of a sudden? It's hard even for me to lose a friend so close, undoubtedly he will be missed terribly because he comprises a huge part of my life. I'm just hopeful that he'll show up someday.Anonymous 123: Surely, am willing to provide him as much time as he needs to recuperate. Actually, to be honest enough I like his company more than my boyfriend's because both of us (my friend and me) are very like-minded. Moreover, I know this guy since childhood, but never before did he express his romantic fascination regarding me. The pivotal conflict is that even I can't understand this sudden change in his attitude to me. But obviously, I don't love him. And what I apparently assumed is that may be he misapprehends my caring nature to be love towards him. One more reason might be my topsy-turvy love life of late.Thanks a lot, both of you for your precious advice. :)
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (18 November 2012):
Give the guy some time, he's been rejected by you and its much more likely that he is afraid of a public humiliation. He will recover in time, at least he should if he's sensible enough. What I don't understand is, if this guy is such a close friend and he knows all about your relationship, then why did he think that he had a chance with you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): I've recently been in this situation, as the person that has feelings for someone, and that someone found somebody else. I find that distancing myself from the situation is what works for me. Why would I keep in close contact only to endure constant and ongoing heartache? I can't change my feelings but I can take charge of the situation.Your friend is doing the best thing he can think of. He's guarding against his heart being continually broken. I think it's best to just let things be. Maybe one day, down the road, he'll be able to come back around, or maybe not.
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