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I told my boyfriend my family has money problems and that my siblings might want to borrow some money from him...and now he finds my family disgusting.

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 March 2011) 1 Answers - (Newest, 16 March 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've been dating this boy for a few years now, and so far, everything's been wonderful. I'm planning to meet his family this December, and we've talked of marriage and kids.

The problem is, I'm not so stellar of him meeting my family. My siblings are very money hungry and will probably ask to borrow some money, and other than they, they aren't so pleasant to be around. My mom is the same way too, having married my dad for money, and loving him later in the marriage.

Personally, I don't appreciate my family being that way but I can't help but stick by them when someone mocks them. I warned him not to flaunt or give money to my brother if he asks (chances are, he will), and now I wonder if I should have done that. My boyfriend said some things that greatly insulted me and finds my family disgusting. We got into a fight about it, and I left telling him I was very insulted.

I see it from his point of view, having been raised in a rich society, but I've been dirt poor my entire life. From a young age, all mom would talk about was how rich she used to be, and the talk of money has made us all a bit money hungry. I'm different from my siblings, and I do love them in a 'I really wish you guys would change' way.

Help please? Am I over reacting? Should I have told him that? ): any similar stories? I don't think I should apologize.. but. I don't see him doing it at this p

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (16 March 2011):

Anonymous 123 agony auntNo you're not over-reacting. I admire the way you have conducted yourself, because money is something that is so important for everyone; your life has been difficult because of financial problems and yet you have handled everything so gracefully and accepted that yes, things have been tough, and we ARE short of money, but thats how it is.

I can understand your feelings towards your family members too. Its not really their fault and I know you love them to death but you only wish they would change a little bit. But its difficult for them too OP...like you said, everyone's different.

You did the right thing telling your boyfriend, because there is nothing to hide or feel ashamed about. His reaction was out of line, but then if he's in the same age bracket as yours(18-21), then he's not really probably mature enough to understand your situation. I'm certainly not defending him, I'm just saying that everyone's reactions are different. While you sound very mature for your age, he probably isint. More so, because as you say he's been raised in a rich society, he would not understand your problem.

Talk to him about this gently, tell him about your life, how things have been, show him this post that you've written here. Once he sees things from your perspective, I'm sure he will be more understanding towards your family.

Take care, you'll do great!!

Love..

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