A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've know this guy for about a year and a half. I've always had a crush on him and kinda felt a vibe from his as well. But he had a gf so other than talking, we never did anything more. He is no longer with this girlfriend anymore and we finally confessed our feelings for each other. Since then we have hung out a couple of times and have been texting each other constantly. Recently though I tried to be a little more forward, which is not typical of me. But I really like this guy. He texted me recently and told me that he really likes me but so much is going on for him right now and his mind is all over the place. He asked me to give him some time to figure things out. I told him I absolutely understood and to take all the time he needs. I promised I wouldn't text him until he figured things out. It kinda sounds like a nice way to let me down but I really don't know. And whatever he decides, i would like to know either way. It's been about a week since he last texted me. I don't want to dig my own grave by rushing him, but how long should I wait before I text him just to ask him to let me know either way? I feel like maybe he just won't text me if he has decided not to pursue this. Like he might think he is sparing my feelings. I would just forget about it, but it's not that easy! I am really hooked on this guy and I don't want to give up that easily! So if there are any guys out there (girls too!) that can advise me on how much time to give him so I don't make him feel like I am rushing him to a decision? Do you think he has already made up his mind in this past week? Or do you think he really needs this much time to figure things out? I really really like him and want to be with him...what should I do??
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 August 2012):
 I agree with Ciar... you give him as much time as he needs... meanwhile YOU get on with your life and forget about him.
IF and WHEN he's ready he knows where to find you.
if he's not ready he means "i'm not ready to be with YOU"
it might be a blow off or it might be the truth
are you willing to put your life on hold waiting?
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (30 August 2012):
 No one, man or woman, can tell you how long it will take for him to sort himself out. Not even a rough idea. It could be one month. It could be six. It could be a year or two or five. And even then there is no guarantee that either of you will want the other when that time comes.
The only way to protect yourself from heartbreak is to not wait for him. Allow yourself to be disappointed, but move on and live life. He'll have more respect for you if you do.
Besides, as long as you're waiting on someone you actually aren't giving them the time and space that they need. If someone offered you a lift somewhere but had to wait while you finished certain tasks, it wouldn't matter how patient and relaxed they were. As long as they're waiting you'll feel pressured. More so, in fact, because you'll feel obliged to reward their patience by not testing it.
If he wanted to be with you that badly his mind would be focused and he would find a way. Guys aren't that wishy washy when it comes to something they want.
Some things you fight for, yes, but men are not among them. You aren't competing against another women, you're battling HIS will and that is coercive. If he does choose you, you really haven't won anything. You've just proved to him that you want him badly enough that you'll do just about anything. Then he will have all the power.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the asnwers so far. I have definitely thought about whether or not he was thinking about reuniting with his ex. Actually I even mentioned it when he was telling me he needed some time. I told him I would give him time but if he was thinking about trying to work things out with his ex that I wouldn't get in the way of that. He said that wasn't it. But he didn't specify what it was that was holding him back. Like I said, I don't want to text him and seem like I am demanding answers. I don't want to scare him away by being pushy. I just thought maybe I cuold get a male or insightful perspective as to how long "thinking about things" could really take. Should I stay quiet for a month? I don't think I would want to wait much longer than that. Is that reasonable? Wait one month and then text him and tell him that I would want to know either way. I know he would probably try and spare my feelings, but I don't want to be hung up on this guy forever wondering if he will be with me...but I don't want to just roll over and give up either. Sometimes yuo gotta fight for what you want, right?
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A
female
reader, Trinklett +, writes (30 August 2012):
 Technically, you're hooked on this guy. Maybe he needs time to get over his ex and be sure you are not he's rebound girlfriend. That would make sense; but hey you're not going to be hanging on the side lines while he takes 4,5,6 months to make up he's mind. If he has confessed that he has feelings for you, it means he likes you. If he's a gentleman, he should follow up on that and be with you but I think he feels its a bit early for him to start something. I assume its not long he broke up with her. Sorry I'm all over the place - trying to read his mind too
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): Well life can really get in the way sometimes, maybe he really is overrun with work and issues right now. He did express his feelings to you so unless you were being creepy like already naming your kids, i don't see why he'd suddenly back out unless he has another opportunity with is ex.
A week is starting to be a while with no contact, maybe best is to contact him and get an answer, tell him you'll wait but can't be on hold forever.
For how much time to give him, you'll feel when you had enough.
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