A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I told a guy how I feel about him over facebook. I told him all the things I admire about his character and how I wish he strives well next year in university (he'll be about 600 miles away). I knew how he felt (or didn't feel about me) but it hurt when he confirmed it anyway. He wrote back how amazing and special and unique I was and so on, and that he was deeply flattered that this confession had come from me and that it made him admire me more, but that, unfortunately, he didn't share deeper feelings. I've like him for over a year! It hurt. He said he doesn't want to lose touch though, that he's proud to call me his friend and he hopes this can now bring us closer. I tried to reply graciously; said thanks, it might be hard but we can try, and gave him my number so we could chat on a cheaper app about my plans for the following year - as he had been curious. My question: what can I expect from our friendship now? How often do we speak to each other? Will he even, or was he just letting me down easy? We didn't very frequently even before. And then, how do I act at our mutual friend's get-together when I see him? Should I avoid him? Are friendships after rejection doomed for more hurt? What can I expect? Thanks guys :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2013): Yes, keeping a comfortable distance sounds like a good idea.
Take all the time you need to get him out of your system.
You were interested in more than just being friends, and that doesn't just change over-night.
I think it would also be a good idea to see other guys and distract yourself; until you think you can take him up on his offer. If you choose not to, there's no problem with that either.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much!! I now understand that this 'frienship' of ours might not be too healthy for me because I still cry about him and his promise only seems to make me more hopeful of something more in the future. I think I should seriously consider cutting contact with him - at least for a while. Maybe until I meet another good guy and no longer harbour feelings for him. Next time he talks to me, I'll let him know my plans for next year, as he asked, but will finish our conversation by explaining to him that I'd rather, for both mine and his sake, keep just a little distance for now. Does that sound like a good idea?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2013): I agree with wise owl. You know the truth now so be gentle on yourself and allow yourself time to get over it, fill your mind with other things and it will ease bit by bit.
Try not to contact him or read anything into any contact he makes with you.
We all go through a rejection at some time in our lives, and learn from it. Maybe next time say something sooner rather than build up your hopes. And of course next time there might be a nice suprise! :-)
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (20 December 2013):
 I suggest you don't keep contact with him, until you are 100% over him. Even as a friend, you will still have some hope that he has a change in heart, hence it is best that until you are over this crush that you go no contact.
You spoke your heart and clearly if you suspected that it was not returned, that fact that you asked him anyway, means you want closure and to move on. Do exactly that put this behind you.
Remember he is not obliged to return your feelings and neither are you obliged to maintain a friendship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2013): I would not attempt to initiate contact until you actually feel comfortable with the response you got. You bravely went out on a limb, and exposed your feelings.
The sting of rejection goes numb for awhile; until the person who rejects you makes a re-appearance. Then the sting comes back.
As long as you feel a twinge of disappointment, or embarrassed; conversation with him might be a little awkward and stiff.
You'll make small talk and fumble for words. So make sure you're okay with it before you take him up on friendship.
It will be easier if you heard from him first. That's like letting him apply a local anesthetic to your feelings to ease the soreness you feel just around the heart. I know that heavy feeling you feel in your chest, when you're let down. Your heart aches just a little.
Let him break the ice and lift the tension. Make good on his word.
You can handle it better once you know for sure that his words are genuine. The crush will ease with time, and that's when you can actually appreciate just being friends. Then it is more on mutual terms, not because you're trying to save face.
If you ever feel uncomfortable about being friend-zoned; you don't have to feel obligated to accept those terms.
You're free to move on, if it makes you feel better. Moving on by no means implies you're sour grapes. Just no longer interested.
You are entitled to your pride. Free to move on and not accept anyone's pity or polite condescension. If someone offers you friendship; you want to feel good about it. Not resigned to it.
He's going to be 600 miles away, and might send you a few messages, because he said he would. Please don't get "hooked" sweet on his messages, and start craving them. Girls are a lot more prone to this than guys are. Sitting around waiting, just dying to hear from him. Keep your social life active and full of fun. See other guys.
If you decide you can handle just being a friend.
Always be reminded, he has no obligation to stay in touch on a regular basis. Let your feelings stay in the right place, if you want to continue contact while he is away.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 December 2013):
 He isn't required to feel the same way as you did, but he DID tell you in a REALLY nice way that he likes you, but ONLY as a friend.
I would let HIM take the lead in the contact and if it gets to HARD for you to be friends (because you like him more then that) then you might want to consider cutting the contact.
You did what you felt you had to do, confess your love and it didn't pan out. THAT happens. I'm not sure why you told him, if you ALREADY knew he didn't feel the same way about you.
How do you act when you next see him? Like you always did, be polite don't bring up the "confession" and if being around him hurts just say hi and mingle with other people.
Are you heading for more hurt? It really depends on you. IF you CAN accept that FRIENDS is all you two will ever be, then you should be fine, if you can't.. then I would suggest no contact.
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