A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well, the thing is I have started dating this guy four months ago, he was a real sweetheart and I made it clear to him from the beginning that I am not looking for fun, I was looking for marriage instead. Also I placed a very unfair deadline saying that in one year I would be returning to my home country if my relationship did not reach the marriage conclusion. He agreed to this. We ended I spending more time together and now, four months later we love one another. Now his a dropped a bomb into my lap saying that he is not sure that he wants to marry and can only seeing himself considering it after two years. I feel kind of cheated since If I had known this from the beginning I never would have gotten involved with him.Then again I realise that it is completely unfair to tell a guy right at the beginning that you want marriage. So I have agreed to keep on seeing him and now we are casually dating but neither of us expects marriage and I have told him I will stay with him till I go back to my home country. If either of us decide independently to change our minds then that is also okay.Even though I know this is a normal progression for a relationship - marriage usually comes after love - I cannot help but feel panic struck that I am never going to get married and never going to have children. I am 32 going on 33 and my yearning for kids sometimes consumes me completely.Thanks for your help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): I'm in a similar situation in that I am in my 30s and I have been with my guy for a while (nearly 4 years) AND I'm still waiting for marriage too. BUT what I realised is that I love being with him - yes, I'd love to have the big white dress & fun wedding day, but more importantly - I want a marriage -- and that means I have to love HIM, not the idea of getting married. And I do - I love him & I love being with him. And that's the most important thing. For me, if he never married me, I'd still want to be with him because I just love being with him. I love the person he is.
I know it's easy to panic, especially with the age thing but try and put that to one side. Get to the important issue - do you love him enough to stay with him regardless? I know your visa may not allow it, but ignore that for the moment too --- are your FEELINGS such that you would stay with him if he never popped the question?
And keep in mind that there is NO way for him to know that he will want to marry you after 4mths.... that is way too soon!!! That he is saying he can't make that kind of decision yet is actually a good thing -- he's being honest & sensible. Just wait it out, enjoy your time together & re-examine the issue when you need to make a decision as to whether to go home or not.
A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (15 October 2007):
Don't waste the rest of your year on him.
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