A
male
age
51-59,
*eophreak
writes:Hello, I wanted to get your feedback on my little dilemma and perhaps guide me to a decision. I've been seeing her for a little over 6 weeks. To be honest, I'm surprised it even happened at all. We live in separate states, she's 23 and I'm 36, and she's coming off a 4 year relationship. So with this in mind, I just took it one day at a time and let her set the pace. Things were relatively smooth up until a week ago when she came down to visit family and we had "the talk". In hindsight, this was a big mistake on my part as it was a case of too much, too soon verbally. I don't regret what I said but I do admit the timing was off. While I wasn't expecting her to reciprocate the same level of emotions/feelings, her reaction (of withdrawing) did catch me off guard a little.I did get a chance to clarify some things with her after this and she did confirm that this was a big reason why her behavior changed. She also stated that she needed some time to get closure with her ex but could definitely see us together down the road. She did ask me to be patient, that she's "rooting for us" and looking forward to seeing me next month but would understand if I walked away at this point because it would be unfair to me. While I would love to believe her, her actions don't match her words so far. I guess she's walked away already?
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male
reader, neophreak +, writes (20 November 2009):
neophreak is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your input, I really appreciate it. After giving this some thought and observing her (lack of) response over the past couple weeks, I can safely conclude that she's just not that interested. I also think there were other motives at work here but that's besides the point now. The old idiom still holds true -- actions speak louder than words.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009): Hey, i don't think this is as bad as it sounds! it probably feels worse for you because of the humilation factor. when you make yourself vulnerable, theres only one outcome you want, and anything less feels hurtful.
i think she's being very sensible- she's definitely said she can see you guys together. the perfect excuse would be for her to say "no, its the wrong time, etc." but she didn't say that, she said to wait.
i think she'd be foolish to come right out of a 4 year relationship then hook up with you- especially with the distance. she needs some time to get her head on straight. That aside; how would it look? As if she were cheating on her ex with you.
I've said this to one of my boyfriends before- i broke up with a guy and a guy i liked asked me right out. yes it was a bit inappropriate and i felt as if he were trying to snap me up, but we kept in contact and when id been single a bit and was ready to date, i dated him. give her a bit of patience, she's probably got a lot on her plate and to rush into something now with you would be to build a relationship on a poor foundation. It sounds as if she defo likes you, but her hands are tied. x
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