A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently told a friend how I felt about her, we became close friends and I started falling for her. She would send me text messages everyday and she would initiate it. She also did a few things that made me think she liked me. I talked to her and told her how I felt and wanted clarity in the situation. I asked her about the multiple text messages to me every day and other things. She said she wasn't ready to date. Okay. so I accepted it and I said I respect your feelings and we can still be friends and I told her I needed a little space and time. A couple days pass and now she's text messaging me everyday for the past 3 days. I feel that she may not have understood me or just wants to know I'm still there. I don't know anymore. Someone share a perspective with me. I don't know what to do next or if I should talk to her again.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 February 2015):
 Hey, I'm sorry your risk didn't pay off, but I salute you in taking it! That's not easy, and I salute your bravery!
I think the mistake was in saying "We can still be friends". When it boils down to it, you don't want to be "just" friends, and I get it. You wanted the space because your heart was broken, and the "We can still be friends" is the same guilt-salving nonsense that people say after breakups too, when in reality, you can't. You don't want friendship. You wanted more, and I'm sure her texts just hurt you as if your risk meant nothing, and you feel that aftershock of rejection, kinda like a headache after it ends, but you still feel that residue of it.
I think what you need to do is fix your mistake, and here's how:
Text her and tell her that you made a mistake in thinking you could still be friends. Tell her you aren't interested in just friendship, and knowing she doesn't feel the same way about you that you do about her makes it hard for you to continue a friendship. Tell her maybe in the future when your feelings change, who knows, but for now, it's best if the two of you go separate ways for now.
That's the only way best for you so that you can clear out and detach emotionally from her.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 February 2015):
 I agree with WiseOwlE
If you don't want her to text you anymore, ask her not to.
Tell her when I said I needed a break I mean X days/week of non contact, hope you can understand and respect that.
Now if she DOESN'T feel free to either block her or ignore her texts. She isn't a MIND READER, you know...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2015): No one said anything about you talking to her again about liking her. If you don't want her to text you anymore, ask her not to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't want to talk to her again to tell her I like her. I respect her feelings. I just wanted to know if I should talk to her about her texting again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2015): Maybe she is very concerned that your feelings are hurt, and she can't deal with your silence. I think she's checking on you; to make sure you aren't angry; and the friendship is still open as far as she's concerned.
Perhaps you might suggest a specific time-frame you'd like to be left alone? You said you needed space, you didn't say the friendship was over. Just tell her you need some time to think and you will get in-touch when you're feeling better.
If you feel weird or things are now awkward between you; be as honest about that as you were about your romantic-feelings.
I frequently warn OP's about crossing the line from friendship to disclose romantic-feelings to a friend all the time. You have to be ready to take "no" for an answer.
If you're not prepared for rejection, don't confess your feelings. If you care too much for the person, but feel you can't continue a friendship; end it then and there. Don't leave them hanging while you pout. Don't be angry if a person doesn't share the same feelings; you knew there was a chance she didn't feel the same way for you.
You're a grown-man, you have to dig deep and use what maturity and experience has taught you over the years.
You can't force someone to feel what they don't.
My friends text me almost on the hour, and they know I'm seeing someone. Staying in-touch is what friends do. If you want her to leave you alone for a few weeks while you pull yourself together; maybe you should say so. You are passive-aggressively giving her the silent-treatment to punish her. You seem like a really sweet guy, don't do that to her. You know she follows-up on your well-being on a regular basis.
You also know a sudden shutdown will cause her concern. You want to break her heart, for breaking yours. Don't be cruel.
I'm sorry it didn't work-out as you had hoped. If you don't feel her friendship is enough; then ask that she not contact you anymore.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 February 2015):
For her texting daily is "normal" for friends to do. She (I guess) felt 3 days was plenty of space.
My guess is, SHE doesn't really CARE that you went out on a limb and fessed up your feelings. SHE still wants you as HER friend. She wants to make sure that you KNOW she isn't feeling weirded out by your "confession".
YOU on the other hand didn't REALLY care that she doesn't FEEL the same as you do.
So it's not like either of you are "wrong" or "right"
But IF by getting space means NO contact.. TELL her so and if she still texts.. you ignore them.
Personally, I think you BOTH chose cop-outs.. you "needed" space and she "still wants to be friends".
It is HARD for a real friendship to work if ONLY party has romantic feelings for the other. and space? Doesn't make those feelings go away. So IF you can NOT be a FRIEND to her, tell her and cut the contact.
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