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female
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*trumpet
writes: Please help... I posted the other day about problems with this guy I am seeing. He's due to be moving away soon and didn't think we'd work out..Thanks for the thoughtful replies I received.Right, well things have been a bit up and down with us. It seems like I'm constantly nagging at him because he's not as affectionate and sweet as he used to be. However, we had a talk on Saturday where he agreed that we would take things as they come and see how they go (i.e when he moves). So I thought 'good, at least we're going to give it a go together'. Then last night we were having a text convo. I was nagging again! Then he text me and said "I'm sure I'm not the only one you've got on the go, so why don't you go and give someone else headache". I replied saying of course I wasn't seeing someone else, I'm not interested in anyone and besides that everybody we know thinks we're together anyway. His reply was "well we're not and we won't be!". Then I text and asked if he cared about me anymore.. and he said "no". I asked how long he had felt this way for and he said a long time. So I sent a few messages asking why he carried on telling me how much he liked me etc if he didn't care? And then I got a message from his friend (who was with him) saying that S (my bloke) thought it was a bit of "fun and sex", and that I should have realised that!! I said no I shouldn't have realised that, because for months S had been telling me how much he cared for me and wanted us to get together. His friend replied saying "that's just how S is".... whatever!!! I agree S might be taking the mick with me a bit now, but I know for a fact he did genuinely care for me. He told his family about me - would he really have done that if it was just about a shag?!?! I don't think so. S and I fell out before we got together and even agreed to forget it all... but he'd always be the first one to get back in touch by saying that he couldn't get over me. Even up til a few weeks ago he was telling me how much he liked me and he wasn't used to feeling this way - so despite what his mate said, I don't doubt his feelings for me. I don't know if he's trying to punish me for messing him around in the beginning or what? Could it be that he was just being a lad because his friend was there and so he wanted to make out I'm the bunny boiler chasing after him? This particular friend was trying it on with me last week...My friends are saying I'm an idiot and I just let men walk all over me. I feel so depressed. I'm at work and I just want to cry. The reason it hurts so much is because I genuinely care for S, and I know he has/had feelings for me too. I never would have gotten involved if it hadn't been for him talking about his feelings for me and how he wanted us to be together.What can I do? He's not a nasty person by nature, he just seems really confused to me. I just want him and for things to be back to normal. I feel devestated..Please help :o(x
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female
reader, bridget +, writes (15 March 2006):
 Hey there Strumpet..
I hope I am able to help you and put some light in your dark tunnel pet, First of all see the friend whos been sticking the nose in? He really shouldnt be doing that, Its really not his place to be nosy, and he is certainly not the one to be listening to and he shouldnt be shouting his mouth of either, Its between yourself and S and it should be kept between you both, not the friend, a relationship concerns 2 people not 3..
The friend could be doing this for a number of reasons, for example, Hes secretly jealous of how much S likes you, Hes understanding to your needs but is showing this in a complicated way (saying that stuff to you in the converstaion)
As for your relationship, Its really not healthy making yourself depressed in a relationship, and, You are stressing yourself about it.. Crying at work isnt going to help the situation and I strongly suggest that you should sit S down and give him an ultimatum, he is either in the relationship with you or he is out.. Whatever one he chooses you should accept and move on..
If he chooses to be with you and concentrate on being true to you (which he really should be doing) then work with him and give things a second try..Just remember Long Distance relationships can work if you put the effort into them and you work hard at them..
If he chooses to go and give up on your relationship, then just remember that it is his loss, as he knows how much he needs and wants you, (this explains him telling you one thing and doing another) then you should also accept and move on..
If you do something miraculous, plesae do talk to him and let him know your not willing to try if he is not..
Remember, It takes two people to make a relationship work not 1..
I wish you luck and happiness..
Jacqueline
x
A
male
reader, d4u04  +, writes (15 March 2006):
 It sounds to me like when he says you've got 'someone else on the go' he's really the one who has and is trying to shift the blame. I know you're devestated honey but you need to get rid. Also, the reason he always makes the first move is because he knows you will come running, don't give him the satisfaction of thinking you're at his beckon call. It also sounds like his friend is just saying the things your boyfriend was too scared to, again to shift the blame onto someone else. Move on and find someone worthy of your love and affection. It'll hurt now but work out better in the long run.
Good luck x
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