A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Three weeks ago, I started dating a guy through on-line dating . I think we are a really good match for each other. He is exactly what I am looking for in a guy and seems really keen on me. He treats me really well and we have the same values, and a lot in common. He has suggested that we will be seeing a lot more of each other, and he has been talking about plans over Christmas and New Year which made me think we are exclusive. Last week, my friend wanted to check out this dating website so I logged in to my account so that she could see what it was about. I was taken aback to have found that this guy is logging in to this dating website and has done so twice that I know of. It could be any one of a number of reasons why - as my friend pointed out he may checking that I'm not logging in to my account! However, my immediate thought is that he is pursuing other women on-line therefore we aren't exclusive. I feel like I am in limbo - are we or aren't we going out together? He hasn't asked me outright to be his girlfriend but he is quite quiet and shy. On that basis, do I get out there and date other guys until he asks me to date exclusively? In some ways I want to casually tell him that I noticed that he was on-line to show him that I'm no walk-over, but think that may come across bad. I don't know how to approach this.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 November 2011):
 three weeks... and he has not said he is exclusive...
you are going out you are not going steady....
until you two have "the talk" both of you are free to date who you wish.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): the thing with dating sites is there`s always a small feeling if you go back,there just may be something better. hence,once a dating site user,always a dating site user. i have seen friends use them,and i`m glad to say i have never had to use them as i dont have any problem attracting men.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (27 November 2011):
 Hi,
Best suggestion is to just ask him if he's still using the dating site? Be casual, and you will know... Easy as that... I know that the relationship still pretty new, and he has not made you any promises, and you both are not committed. But, it's good to know how he feels. You shouldn't get mad at him, but I think you have the right to know your options.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (27 November 2011):
 Three weeks is not a lot. However, it depends what has happened in the three weeks. If you have been having sex etc then I would say this is a basis for feeling things were exclusive. I know I would. However, if you were meeting up and enjoying time together with no talk of permanent things then I dare say he has options and you are a potential for him. Saying that, he could be on the site to check old messages, or telling others he is with "you." So, without being too heavy at this time, maybe you could have a light chat with him and find out if you are both dating official. This would clear up things for you.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (27 November 2011):
 Unless he outright agrees to be in an exclusive relationship with you, you're not exclusive. You're only setting yourself up for disappointment by simply assuming without an actual discussion about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): Dating sites are for misfits and male prowlers looking for vulnerable women. If people had success in real life,then they wouldnt have to use dating sites. Wise up to it.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (27 November 2011):
 It sounds like he's fond of you as well, and as your friend has suggested, he may be signing in for other reasons.
Having said that, three weeks is far too soon to expect exclusivity so I would refrain from mentioning it for a while.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2011): He didn;t say you were exclusive, you have assumed that, so that is the real problem. Talk to him honestly and say that you want an exclusive relationship and you want to know if he wants that too. This way you both know where you stand, and if he doesn't want to be exclusive then you will know that to, and you can move on. Until you have made it official that you are in an exclusive relationship together, don't assume that you are it only leads to heartbreak, believe me. Good Luck
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