A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok this is quite a long story. I was "seeing" this guy for about 6 months. At first he was really keen on me and calling me and we would catch up, meet all his friends etc. then he started backing off saying he didn't know what he wanted, needed his alone time etc. But we still were seeing each other and not sleeping together. A couple of months ago i slept wit him for the first time and we continued to see each other but when i would pull him up on things he would be like 'we arent in a relationship' and then a couple of weeks ago he said that we shouldnt do the casual thing as people can get hurt. Now he's told me he is seeing someone else but still wants to be friends as I mean a lot to him and always will and that we will be friends no matter what. Im so confused. I dont want to an be friends, i deleted him off my facebook and just dont know what to do. My best mate is dating his brother and he said that he only saw me as a fling and we were just friends and that he didn't think that i would mind him dating another girl. So this came from him brother. The thing is i feel so silly.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): Thank you for you answer. It does make a lot of sense. I shouldn't have slept with him when he started to back off, I just thought thats what i wanted. I told him I didn't want a serious relationship with him right now as I have other stuff in my life going on but I did want more of a 'commitment'. I dont think I can be mates with him, I think he only wants that to make himself feel better about everything....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): There are only a couple of reasons why a former lover would tell you they wanted to remain friends. One is to keep you close in case they change their minds. The other is to soften the blow of rejection.
In this case my bet is on curtain #2.
Your friendship was probably based on sexual attraction and now that the sex is over, the tie that binds is gone. Ask yourself how eager he would have been have you as a friend had you weighed 300 pounds and had terrible acne. Ask yourself that question the next time any man expresses an interest in 'friendship'.
Sex is very intimate. It brings people closer, even if only temporarily. So when a man says he wants space, you give it to him. That means no nookie. If you owned a store and a customer told you they were going to start shopping elsewhere, you wouldn't then give them all your merchandise for free to bribe them into staying, would you? Don't give yourself away freely to someone who withdraws themselves from you.
Don't waste time feeling silly. You haven't done anything coutnless others haven't done. Learn from this and move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 The thing is you slept with his AFTER he started to back of. Did you think if you guys slept together he would want to be with you?
I'm sorry you got your feelings hurt, but by the look of it, he didn't seem like he was all that into you as a GF. He shouldn't have slept with you knowing that he didn't want to be a relationship.
Let it go, chalk it up to a mistake on your part. In the future if a guy backs off, let him go, don't sleep with him it will jsut complicate it and hurt more.
Don't worry about feeling silly, it happens. It's HIS loss.
And I wouldn't try and be his friend. Friends don't have "flings" with friends or sleep with thim.
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