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I thought she was my friend but she betrayed me

Tagged as: Big Questions, Friends, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 January 2022) 5 Answers - (Newest, 15 January 2022)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

when I was at primary school, was left out of things and the parents would take their children away from me to play, because they were worried that I would hurt them or do something for much worse, growing up this really hurt me and people not understanding me because I have a learning difficulty, as well as upsetting me, this also upset my mum. was bullied at school for five years and blamed for everything, to graffitiing the walls, starting fights, you name it, and teachers wrongly blaming me for something I hadn’t done, but wanted to point the finger anyway as I’m an easy target to them.

I’m not saying, I’m the only one who has gone through this, but imagine many others have. after I left primary, I went to grammar school and that was there my troubles started, after that I moved schools and didn’t get picked on or bullied. with my confidence at an all time low, I came across a female who I thought would be a genuine friend, in the end she wasn’t the person, I thought she was and the friendship ended. since time has passed and the years have gone by, I’ve had different jobs, made friends, some I’ve lost, some remain my friends. when I tell people I am different or I have a learning difficulty, they either don’t believe me or they think I’m doing it to point score or gain, sympathy which isn’t true. I feel I’ve to prove to people every time and that’s not fair.

I lost a friend who I thought would have my back and stand by me, how wrong was I, it turned out she was the one that was doing the back stabbing. she accused me of over messaging and made wild accusations that I tried to touch her breasts or jacked myself off to her pictures she has. I have never done anything like that. I’m just lost for words as to why she hates me so much.

what should I do?

help

View related questions: breasts, bullied, confidence

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2022):

just block her, and let it go, as hard as it is, you will get there eventually. life is life, hard and easy.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2022):

honeypie I’m not the original poster or so you think, people who ask for advice on here, as to what to do. have their questions and it might appear as though it’s the same post again. I’m not saying your wrong, you could be right. anyway I’m just asking for advice and asking a question, that’s all, I’m doing here.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom +, writes (13 January 2022):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntThe way you have been treated says everything about the perpetrators and nothing about you. They picked on you because you were an easy target - which you have already worked out for yourself.

Regarding the female who hurt you, I am willing to bet most, if not all, of us have made mistakes when it comes to people we thought were friends. I know for a fact that I have. Sometimes we want/need to believe they are something they are not. Sometimes they are just very good at hiding what they really are.

I truly believe people are sent into our lives to teach us lessons. What you need to now work out for yourself - because nobody else can work it out for you - is what lesson you can learn from your experience. None of us can guess what this female's motives were but she obviously had issues of her own to deal with otherwise she would not have hurt you like she did. Forgive her, learn your lesson and move on. Lastly, try not to allow her to live rent free in your head. When you start thinking about her, make yourself think about something completely different, something which made you feel good. If you keep doing this, it will eventually become a habit and you will stop thinking about her. She doesn't deserve your head space.

Life is tough, my friend, but so are you. You sound like you have a core of steel. Stay strong.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2022):

What do you do? First, block this woman on all social media accounts if you haven’t already and block her number as well. Making false accusations, especially regarding sexual harassment and assault is despicable on her part. There are some things people shouldn’t lie about, period. You don’t need to know why she “hates you”, you need to ask yourself why you value the opinion of someone who would make up such malicious lies about you! I know that having someone gossiping and spreading rumors about you is frustrating, but the truth has a way of coming out! Eventually, she’ll get caught in one of her lies. It may take a long time, and it will probably be when you don’t care anymore.

I also understand you on the being different thing. I’ve learned (slowly) to not take it personally when people don’t like me. I think a lot of people just aren’t sure how to interact or deal with people who they perceive as being different or unusual in some way. I think some people lash out when they’re uncomfortable. If you can learn to let it roll off your back, you’ll live in peace.

Are you seeing a therapist? Certain types of therapists (cognitive behavioral therapists) can help you recognize negative thought patterns, and help train you to unlearn them. I’ve also found relief through acupuncture (for anxiety). This keeps my mind from racing when I have to interact with others, which helps me relax around them and not come across as a nervous wreck. I don’t know if you have that problem, but therapy could also help with the low confidence. Improving your confidence will help you to not tolerate any nonsense from people, and people looking to start drama will learn to stay away from you. You’ll start attracting people of quality. People can sense confidence (or lack there of) more than you realize. One final thing I’ll recommend, don’t volunteer the fact that you’re different or have issues learning when you meet people. There isn’t a need to tell them if they haven’t asked. Bringing it up unwarranted is why they think you’re looking for sympathy.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (13 January 2022):

Honeypie agony auntYikes!

I'm sorry OP you have had to deal with this kind of discrimination as a kid and I'm glad to hear you are overcoming a lot of it and kept on doing good.

Having a learning difficulty doesn't make you a bad person, or stupid, unkind or someone to not treat right. It just makes you a little different.

When someone shows you who they are (like the friend you mention at the end) BELIEVE them. She is toxic. She is NOT a friend.

Sounds like she is upset that you ARE NOT interested in her or that she thinks you are an easy target.

Cut her out of your life. BLock her, remove, delete, unfollow, unfriend her from your life. And accept that SHE isn't a good person and you don't need that kind of crap in your life.

Keep improving yourself and your life.

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