A
male
age
41-50,
*peedy79
writes:There's a girl I work with that I'm crazy about. She's 25, a single mother, and 9 months out of a 6 year relationship with the father of her child, whom she insists she is done with (she tried staying with him for the sake of the baby but said forcing it just didn't work, so that was that, and now she doesn't even let him into her apartment when he picks the kid up). I am 31.I started sitting with her on our lunch breaks, and we got to know each other that way. After about 3 weeks of that I decided that I really liked a lot of things about her, and asked her out. I knew shed be upfront with me because she said she doesn't like playing games, and when another coworker asked her out she was very upfront in saying it wasn't ever going to happen. But to me, she said yes. I told her that I take things very slow and she said that was good. We had a blast on our first date, so I asked her for another. She said yes, and we went to a movie and to eat after. She said that her sons father was dropping the son off at her place at 7pm, so we had to be back by then. At the movie I put my arm around her and she snuggled right up to me and smiled. We went to eat after and got so wrapped up in talking that we lost track of time. She panicked and said she had to get back. We had a half hour, which was plenty of time, but I didn't say anything because I understand she's concerned when it comes to her son, so I brought her home.We got home with 5 minutes to spare and she said thanks for the date, she had fun and got out before I could kiss her. I was puzzled. The next day we talked, and I told her I liked her. She said she liked me too and that after her breakup, she dated a couple of guys briefly and she didn't care much for them, but then said "but then YOU came along...", like I was different. I told her I got a weird cove when she left my car the previous night and she said that when she realized she might've been late to get her son, she panicked and realized that maybe she's not ready to date yet, but it was nothing at all that I did or didn't do.I was crushed. I told her that I don't mind if she has a son and I understand the responsibility involved and how he will always be #1 to her and I respect that, and she said she knows and its not just about him, its about her too.The next weekend we talked on the phone for 5 hours straight. Talked about a ton of personal stuff, out first times, stuff we got into when we were younger, it almost felt like we were dating but we weren't. A week after that we had our company picnic, and she hung around me the whole time. Our coworkers could tell she liked me, and I was confused. After the picnic, she texted me less and less. It felt like I was always initiating, and I made sure not to smother her with attention because I like her and don't want to chase her away. A week later she invited me over for a movie at her place. I went there and she broke out a bottle of wine, which we shared. But she sat on the lazy boy and I sat on the couch. I invited her to sit by me and she said she was fine. Regardless, it was a nice time, but I was getting so confused by her. A few days later I told her that it was confusing me, and she apologized and said she was confused about how she felt about me and her and didn't mean to hurt me or make me wait around, because she won't know when she will be ready and when she is, there's no guarantee she will feel the same about me. So I told her that I was going to pull back a bit, and I stopped having lunch with her. When she needed help at work I would still help her and I still would smile and say hi to her and ask how she was doing, and she does the same back. She got promoted 2 weeks ago and I texted asking if I could take her to dinner to celebrate. She said of course and I asked when would be a good time for her since she has a kid. She said she'd let me know. She never did. Last week I asked her on Friday if she wanted to go bowling on Sunday, just as friends, and I promised I wouldn't make things weird. She said "i don't think you make things weird, ya dork", and that the answer was most likely yes. That Sunday afternoon she Texted saying she had a migraine and apologized, but she wouldn't be able to make it. I simply said "ok feel better" and quit testing her.I don't get it...she really, really seemed to like me and we clicked. Why'd she flake all of a sudden?
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reader, speedy79 +, writes (12 September 2010):
speedy79 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, and I appreciate the advice, even if it is blunt. Our coworkers say that its obvious the way she still looks at and talks to me that she still likes me, so I don't know...I haven't contacted her in 2 weeks, so I'm not chasing anymore. Another person told me that she likely has commitment issues and is probably afraid to get hurt like her ex did to her, but if that's the case, its her issue to fix, not mine. As for not wanting to have sex, that may be correct, but I don't know for sure because we talked sex (past experiences, when we lost our virginity, etc, and SHE initiated that convo) quite a bit even after she said she wasn't ready to date. But I will probably never know the true reason, and i did thank her for her honesty, as that's one of the traits that I really liked about her early on.
A
male
reader, speedy79 +, writes (12 September 2010):
speedy79 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, ask oldersister. I guess I'm trying to understand how she could be so into me one minute and the next just cut off all contact completely. I remember in the beginning she would either text or drunk text and tell me I'm cute, have a nice smile and that I make her happy...shed text me all day at work and we would talk every other night after work, about all sorts of personal things that you don't discuss with just anybody. If she was off work for the day shed tell me she missed me. And she swears up and down I did nothing wrong...so how can someone who likes someone like that just poof...act like she never met me? I've done my best to not push her or be overbearing, and she told me that I wasn't being pushy, and that I could never be a snake, so I know I wasn't acting like one...I just don't get it...
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male
reader, speedy79 +, writes (12 September 2010):
speedy79 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEDIT: my apologies, my corrective texting on my phone changes some words. Cove was supposed To be feeling and testing was supposed to be texting. Thank you in advance for any help. I am very hurt and confused.
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