A
female
age
30-35,
*hescorpionicqueen
writes:I have in my late teens and as according to my culture- in a semi-arranged type of marriage- have agreed to get married- to a guy that I absolutely adore- and whom I thought also loved me.As I was so young, and also due to the fact that he still lives in my country of origin, our relationship is quite unconventional. I am still studying and at the start of our relationship- he was in the army- completing a compulsory military enrollment after his 18th. At the start of my A Levels, we agreed on both sides that we could start seeing other people- and I did. I met thsi lovely other guy and thought for a while that I may prefer him over my actual fiance- however, I then found he was a jerk and broke it off.My fiance and I rekindled and we're as close as we have ever been. This summer, for the first time in ages, he has come to visit me rather than the other way around- but not even a week of his stay- he dropped a bombshell:After his military service- he cheated on me with a prostitute- back home. This was in the time that he we were still going steady.I feel absolutely devastated- and I do not know what to do. My parents are not yet aware- and I am really scared about what this mean about our relationship- I feel guilty but angry- his excuse was that after so long in service in abstinence- he just HAD to have it- I feel so sick in the stomach-In our culture, virginity is prized and therefore I did tell him that I would not have sex with him before our wedding night. Yet, although he was OK with this, he seemed to think that it was OK that he slept with her because she could never be 'bride material'.I feel so cheapened and angry that the whole time we have been together- he did this and not told me but now- in his own word- to get the truth out.I have never been this hurt bu someone, EVER- What am I meant to do now? He is still at home, my dad and his are best mate- this is all so awkwardAny help would be appreciated
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female
reader, superrrshawna  +, writes (13 August 2008):
 maybe he wanted to have a little practice before he actually had to worry about pleasing someone else. maybe it was just physical needs. whatever reasons why he did it don't matter as much as whether or not you will find it in your heart to forgive him.what he did was wrong because he was committed to you, but you have 2 very big reasons to be positive. 1. he told you the truth. you didn't find out from some early morning phone call from a strange girl in another country. 2. she was a prostitute. she wasn't a close friend, a girl he liked, there were no emotional ties or bonds whatsoever.i would do my best to forgive him. if not, break things off. be honest with your parents and tell them why. express your hurt to both your fiance and your family! you will need all the support you can get. most importantly, tell your fiance he will need to find a way to help you trust him again.and get him tested!good luck!
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