A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello guys,i'm a female 19 years old.first of all, i want to thank you for your advices i've been here almost two years now in this website,everytime i needed someone to help me,you did!so thank you so much!for everything it means a lot to those who needs help.Well,i was in a serious relationship with a turkish guy from my university,but we broke up now(a month ago),we were in love with each other (he was my first love,i was his second).we didn't go out with often like any other couple,we've seen each other rarely because he didn't want that,i was cool with it.one day,we went to my brother's house(it was empty),we sat there,we talked and watched a movie after that we make out(i'm a virgin and he's a virgin)so we didn't go so far,when we were in the action he said that he's so in love with me , i loved it, it was the best day of my life and his too.after a few weeks,as usual we didn't see each other,but he asked me if we can go to the house again,i said that we can't now because my brother is there, he was mad and we fought,and i told him that i am the only one who finds places where we can meet but you don't,then he told me that he wants to broke up with me,i replied OKi was so sad, it wasn't the first time that we broke up,but it was the last one,everything was over,i felt it deep inside,after few days, we talked again like normal,i was ok with it, but i still not over him of course,few conversations later he said that he will return to his first girlfriend, i replied CONGRATS i'm happy for you, then he said maybe i will get back with her,i felt like he was trying to make me jealous (sometimes he's really weird and immature and arrogant)he wasn't the perfect boyfriend, that's why i fell in love with him,he made me laugh so hard,when i needed him he was there always,he was like my soulmate,we were talking everyday for hours,he used to hug me so tight and whisper to my ear that he loves me,we were always fighting but madly in love with each other.i'm not perfect,i'm way so far from being perfect,i was so jealous and so needy,but with him i discoverd a lot of things that i didn't know before , i found myself and i felt complete with him, i won't lie he made feel special, unique.anyway,we didn't speak for a month now , but today he came to ask my sister about me,he told her not say anything to me, he asked her how is she doing and i'm worried about her and i want to know if she's ok .(she =me)i don't understand why he did that,the problem is i thought that i was over him when i heard that he asked about me, all the feelings and emotions towards him are back,this month without him wasn't easy it was like hell,i couldn't sleep,eat,or see any other guy .so i really need your help guys :( what should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, psychologist to her friends  +, writes (6 September 2014):
It's always tough when you break up with someone because the smallest thing can trigger feelings of loss, missing him, and wanting him back. Although you are looking at the relationship through rose-tinted glasses, it is clear that there were quite a few problems present. For instance, you say he was arrogant and sometimes immature. Also, you were constantly fighting. Yes, there were good times, too, but don't allow them to cloud your vision to the REALITY of what your relationship was like. Greg Berendt, author of 'He's Just Not that Into You' (A must for every girl out there!) once said, 'It's called a break-up because it's broken.' Trying to fix it is tricky and requires the commitment of both partners. I am not sure that he wants to get back together or that he deserves you pining and feeling for him so much... He told your sister not to tell you so he didn't want you to know that he was asking about you. Maybe he was just hoping to hear news from you or that you're OK after the break-up. I think that you should keep this in perspective. I know you have hope that you'll get back together, but you shouldn't allow yourself yet another chance to get hurt. I would say, try not to think about him. It's okay to miss him but don't act on it. Keep reminding yourself why you broke up in the first place - it happened for a reason. Also, you deserve someone who isn't going to play childish games with you (such as threatening to go back to their ex) and who will MAKE clear contact with you to find out how you are if they care enough. They shouldn't have to go through a third person. The best advice? Take it a day at a time. That's the only thing we can do. That, and fill your time with things that make you happy (however small). You don't deserve to be sad because remember: HE broke up with YOU. He made the choice. Hope you feel better. Be kind to yourself. xxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2014): "but today he came to ask my sister about me,he told her not say anything to me, he asked her how is she doing and i'm worried about her and i want to know if she's ok .(she =me)i don't understand why he did that"Very simple. Most likely first girlfriend dumped him and he needs a fallback so he pumped your sister for information to confirm that you're still hung up on him, knowing she'd tell you everything. Now that he has manipulated you into reacting exactly as he hoped, he's in position to start weaseling his way back into your affections by playing on your vanity and ego as much as your neediness and insecurity. "what should i do?"Muster up some self-esteem, dignity and pride. Otherwise, he knows that if he says what you want to hear then you'll do what he wants you to do and you'll fall back into the same trap. Men can't disrespect women who respect themselves.
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