A
female
age
36-40,
*ISSYT
writes:Rite here goes.I've been split up from my ex for over a year and a half now. We were together for 2 and a half years but have remained friends. But now he has a girlfriend and won't talk to me. I am also with someone. But to be honest I have never really gotten over my ex. I thought I could move on but I can't. We split up because at the time I felt too young to settle and wanted to be alone for a while. But now I want to settle and I always thought it would be with him. I don't know what to do because I love him more than ever. He always said I was his soulmate and no matter who he was with he would always take me back but I don't think he would. I can't move on and I don't want to. But if I have to I think the only way would be to cut all ties with him but I'd still be heartbroken. Help please!!!
View related questions:
has a girlfriend, heartbroken, move on, my ex, soulmate, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): I understand your feelings are very real and confusing to you. Here are some things to consider or think about. No one can answer this question for you because only you know what is in your heart....but from my experience here are some things I think are going on.
You say you can't get over your ex. You can and you will if you make up your mind to do so. To truly get over someone you loved and lost, you really need to let them go, and for good, cut all contact and in time you will have moved on....
Many times the person we are with is not right for us, but we love them anyway. People sometimes come into our life for a reason, to teach us something about ourselves. Love is not really just a feeling, it is actually a decision. True love takes time and most of all a commitment from both people to put the other's needs above their own. It was most likely a matter of timing, you weren't ready and possibly neither was he.
As far as him telling you that he was your soulmate, what does that really mean? There are many many soulmates out there for us, but as I said love is a decision to be committed to someone, without it you have nothing.
Part of what is holding you back is that your ex is in a new relationship and now you want him back due to fear of loss and jealousy. It really is not OK to try to get your ex back if he has moved on and is in another relationship. I suppose you can tell him how you feel, but what do you think you will gain by that? Do you really think he doesn't know that you love him or what you want? Then tell him, but be prepared to get a NO.
If you aren't loving your current boyfriend, then break up with him and let him get on with it. You don't have to be in a relationship to be happy. Perhaps it is time for you to go it alone for awhile and become who you want to be in life and choose better the next time...figure out what 10 characteristics you are looking for in a man and if you find someone who is Mr 80% of what you list contains then he is a great choice for you. Also, think of three things you must have that are non-negotiable....as long as someone doesn't violate your non-negotiables, then they are not the wrong person for you.
Take care.
|
