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male
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*iberiansun
writes: She just got married with this guy, but we still having strong feelings and we can not stop caring and feeling for each other. I'm 34 and she is 23, we met one year ago and we dated for 8 months we felt in love, our work made things difficult, but we took a chance. I am successful at work, in shape and a decent good looking guy, but I am very shy; I've never been married and I don't have a baggage. She is younger than me, but she is a lot more experienced. We had a great time together and we learned how to care of each other, we really enjoyed each other and after she got married I think she started noticing more and more my personal attributes.We broke up after her ex boyfriend came back and a few months later she got married with this guy she dated for the last couple of years. Needles to say, but she broke my heart when she got married, I thought I was going to move on, but we work together, so after she got married we talked and we tried to keep our relationship as a plain friendship, I even moved to another branch of our company, but I have to see her a couple of times a week. I think we realized we still in love, and we can’t stop caring about each other and we are letting our feelings take over. We talked about what is going on, and she regrets to a degree getting married, she is not completely happy, and she realizes she made things more complicated for both of us.We haven't had sex after she got married, but we make up every time we have the chance to do it. I like her very much, and she just got promoted, I don’t want to ruin her chances at work, needles to say that I do very well at work as well. I wouldn’t have any problems giving up my job for her, but at this point there is a lot of uncertainty; if someone finds out what is going on at work, we both might end up getting fired, things are just complicated and I don't know how to handle this situation.We spoke about it and we don't know where our feelings are going to take us in the long run. I don't want to have sex with her just to satisfy an urge, I love her very much just to get laid, I’m afraid though that things are heading in that direction. Does this mean that I still love her? We are thinking on each other all the time, we send messages, lyrics of songs, we flirt, go for lunch and all the things that a normal couple does, but now we are more careful and we don’t spend as much time together as before for obvious reasons, so sometimes I wonder if its just an urge of being together. I never thought of myself being that guy that was going to have an affair with a married woman. I love her very much, but she complicated things for all of us. I really thought I was going to be able to put all the past behind me when she got married, but why do I go like this and will it happen forever? Please help.
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male
reader, Tiberiansun +, writes (4 December 2006):
Tiberiansun is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for taking the time in reading about my dilemma. I appreciate your feedback and advice. I will keep you posted and let you know what is going on.
A
female
reader, secret  +, writes (3 December 2006):
 i think you really need to decide what will happen if her husband find out. i am in the same situation as you. like her i am married but am in love with another guy for the past 3 years. but we never had sex. we love and respect each other too much to make it just about sex. we talk every single day, e-mail, txt, listening to love songs and he comes to see me as much as he can. he's a friend of a friend so when we do see each other at parties we avoid each other and only give looks. it's like we are addicted to each other. if i dont speak to him every day i feel like i am missing so much and think of him all the time. i think that's what's happening to u . you cant be with her but at the same time you cant be without her. i totally understand you. i just hope that you will sort it out soon before you get find out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2006): I think your 23 year old coworker is showing her immaturity, she likes the attention you give her and you are perhaps a mere distraction at work.
She is married, and it sounds like you are lucky that it is not you she chose, as she would probably be carrying on this way behind your back as well.....it is all about her and not about her abiiity or capacity to commit to a man.
I recommend you cut off all contact with her for a period of time, no more e-mails, lunch etc, just because you work at the same place, if you are in different areas of the company and do not have to rely on each other to get your jobs done, avoid her at all cost until you get yourself and your emotions under control. You are a mature 30 something guy, so I am sure you can get yourself under control...move on to someone else and preferably not another one of your co-workers, you are learning how these relationships can end up messy and ruin your chances for job security and success. Take care!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (3 December 2006):
 Hi Guy,
First off, find a new job and save your career. Next, she could not possibly have loved you as much as you loved her if she married someone else. She made her choice, and I think she is playing with your head.
Your career and mental health are in jeopardy...get out of that company althought. Next time, do not date someone you work with, as you do not seem ready to keep those worlds separate.
-Frank B Kermit
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