A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Please help! Im in a world of hurt.I was with my boyfriend for 6years,i broke up with him because he treated me bad.We split for a year and he dated someone else,but it didnt work.In the last 2 months we have got back together and things have really nice. Then he gives me a christmas card,-im suspcious as he never remembers cards! Its not him. I know him like the back of my hand.I ended up checking his phone and the ex had sent him a card and he had two messages texting her back. He also saw her when he went to see a band, but they are not talking.My boyfriend told me nothing of this, i thought he was at football with his brother.When i confronted him he said he didnt think it mattered, and he hadnt done anything wrong,as that is the past.I am crushed. He withheld information and he had also texted this girl thanking her for a christmas card.It was our anniversary tonight,we argued about it, then tried to move on. At 1.30am he tells me the night was crap and not to say anything back. I was so hurt i kicked him out although we dont live toghter and i have my own place.He left his phone by mistake. I checked it and he had sent her another text saying he couldnt reply to any of her texts and to take care and be careful.Im heartbroken.Am i overreacting? He has confused me. He lied and didnt tell the whole truth. They may be nothing in it, but my trust is damaged and my heart is hurting in pain.Its christmas eve.Please help. should i dump him?Ive always loved him.Im 36 and he is 38.
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anniversary, broke up, christmas, crush, got back together, heartbroken, his ex, move on, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe done it again!
He promised me this time if he saw his ex he would tell me.
Well sunday me and my boyfriend are cuddled up,he gets a text and later says he has to go sort out the car.
Im cool, but i sence something.
Things are nagging at me, so i thoguht ok be cool. Phone the his ex, be nice and just say thanks for the chritmas card and we may bump into each other.
The ex then texts my boyfriend.
He goes mental at me, what have you done!
Then i phone her leave a message just say ive been with him 7years and because we live in the same area just wanted everything to be cool, on good terms.
I then leave my number as she had said to my boyfriend stop your pyco ex!_form phoneing me.
Anyway. Confused! i know.
I speak to him and say no harm, dont call or text her just leave it.
Later tonight i get a text form the girl saying, i he never told me you where back together as i wouldnt have been trying to help him pull the bar girl when i saw him on sunday.
I texted her back. thanked her and said girl power.
Then i confront the boyfriend, whwere where you sunday.
He cant remember,i sait you where at so,so,so .
He couldnt tell the truth, he couldnt say hed been in the bar talking to the ex and flirting with another girl.
I dumped him!
Once i can forgive but lieing to twice not telling the truth. The trust is broken.
Now he texting me saying what about our future? 7 years.
He hasnt been physically un faithful but how can i be with a man who lies to my face.
Help me please.i still love him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you,you've all been wonderful.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2007): He was your ex for a reason.
You need to focus on why you broke up in the first place. There were obviously reasons why it didnt work out. I believe that at the begining of returning to an ex people try harder to please them and it is all smiles and laugther. But eventually you get back to reality and the old issues reasurface. It would have been good if you both took the time to work out your personal issues before you returned. The issue most definately is trust. To me however, it doesnt sound bad that he texed his ex to thank here for some cards. He even told her that he couldnt reply to the texes. My advice depends on your issues with this ex. Was she partly responsible for your break up? If she was then yes you have reasons to feel untrusting towards your ex. If she wasnt then, you need to back off a little. Talk to him and try to see things from his point of view. You were obviously heartbroken when you broke up and are thankful that he has returned and are trying to protect your heart. But in going about it like this you may end up pushing him away forever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2007): It is obvious that you both have trust issues. One of a man's primary needs is to be trusted by his woman, it makes him feel respected....I am not saying you are wrong to be worried about the texts to an ex, but he may have just been being polite because she contacted him, and he did not tell you for fear this very thing would happen, you would get angry with him....
I think you should sit him down soon and say to him something like this...I know you probably did not intend to hurt me by texting your ex girlfriend, but because we are trying to rekindle our relationship and trust has been broken in the past, it is very important to me that you be honest and not hide things like this from me...could you please tell me if there is somethimg I should know about you texting your ex.
I personally think text messages are stupid and a cowards way of communicating...he did respond to her that he could not answer any of her texts and to take care (have a nice life) sort of seems he said this to her out of concern and perhaps respect for you.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2007): heya, please stop stressing firstly, i understand you love him but it does no good to your mental and physical system.men can be complete arrogant, misleading, lying, shallow, and pointless at the best of times, (not all men). It's hard because they never can fully understand where us girls are coming from.This other woman should not be affecting your relationship the way she is.Maybe you should ask him straight up if there is something going on, maybe to ease your mind, maybe it was an innocent christmas card and a friendly meeting but he was afraid of your reaction?!If this is not the case, and he bluntly lied to you, then my friend you are going to have to make a difficult decision, if you want to be with him tell him he has to have no contact what so ever with her, and if he does you should know about it. If he says he still wants contact with her and wants to meet her, then its obvious he doesnt really care about your feelings, so cut him o ut of your life, and start the new year fresh, and focusing on yourself and finding a relationship which makes you feel 100% content. I wish you all the best, god bless xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2007): Leave him. he's not worth it.go out and find a better guy! =]
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