A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there.. I think I just need a little bit of help with this one. Hope I don't tire you all out while reading this.I met a guy in our accounting class about two months ago, and he took the effort to come up to one of my girlfriends suggesting that he would like to create a study group with her and me. At first I was a bit skeptical about his idea because I've never heard of anyone trying to create a study group in class since we are all used to studying individually. My friend gave him her number, and two days after that.. he messaged my friend Joan to ask for my number.. Joan called me up and said, "Vicky is it okay if I give your number to Dale? He was asking for your number.." I said yeah alright just give it to him.. a week after that, Dale messaged me asking if he could meet up with me at uni to have a catch up and discuss about our assignment in accounting. by the way, he is 25 doing a degree in civil engineering while I'm 19 in my first year doing a degree in psychology and business. he took accounting as an elective that's why we ended up being classmates. So I said yeah okay let's meet up.When I met up with him for the very first time, we talked about the assignment for about 30 minutes and then he just started talking to me and sharing his life and pretty much.. we started becoming friends after that day.. he kept on making me laugh and he was very jolly and all friendly and he is a very good-looking guy.. I just found out that he is a model and he goes overseas every now and again to work for L'Oriel or Tommy Hilfiger doing runway modelling. To be honest, I was quite impressed about what he said because he is not only a smart engineering guy, but he's also versatile in doing other creative stuff such as modelling. But I made sure that I didn't act as if I'm very attracted to him, I just acted like a normal chic because I dont wanna be like other girls who just falls head over heels for a real hot guy like him (though I have to admit he's very attractive, has a body of a greek god but still.. I go for personality, not just the looks).Days after that.. he started getting closer and closer to me.. He stays back at uni to keep me company all the time.. he shares me stories about his life.. he's smarter than me in Maths because he's an engineer so whenever I do assignments for other subjects, he volunteers to do it for me.. he shows me his guy friends on fB and he tells me stories about his family.. he tells me that his sisters are married and her brother is getting married next year.. By the way, he is an Australian and I'm Asian.. so I kinda noticed that he always tells me that his sisters are married to other nationalities such as Mauricians and his guy friends have girl friends that are Asians and Europeans, pretty much other nationalities as well..On third of September, He and I decided to go to a club and drink together.. I was gonna introduce him to my girlfriends but my girls had their own dates and we parted ways because they went to their boyfriends' house so I was left alone with him in the bar. We were drinking together and we were having a lot of fun, and suddenly.. he said, "So.. would you mind if I kiss you tonight?" the conversation went like these:D: So would you mind if I kiss you tonight?V: (i smiled) Why would you wanna kiss me?D: Because I like you..V: (and i smiled again) and why do you like me?D: Because you make me laugh.. and we get along really well..so yeah I agreed that we should kiss.. because I have to admit, I like him too.. he's such a nice guy and he makes me feel good all the time.. I told him that I just broke up with my ex 6 months ago and I've moved on but I just dont wanna fall into the same trap of being with a player.. he told me, "v, I'm not a player.." I said to him. "but you're a model.. there's a lot of girls out there I'm sure.." he said, "sex appeal fades.. i like you for your personality.. you're full of life.. very optimistic.. and you're really pretty" We just kissed that night and nothing more.. then he drove me home at 2am..Weeks after that, we kept on seeing each other and we spend time together.. we eat dinner together, we drove to the beach and we hold hands in public, we kiss at school and my friends see that.. they all ask if we're in a relationship, and I say no.. because I think we're in a stage where we just wanna get to know each other more..He told me that one of his bestfriends committed suicide earlier this year, and he had a little bit of a disappointment for not being a successful model when he went to Germany last year, he thought it would be his pathway to be an actor but something went wrong and he didn't end up pursuing his career. He also admitted to me that he was seeing a girl before me, but that was purely physical attraction and that they only met up to have sex.. He even said that he has never genuinely liked a girl like me in ages.. He has never been this honest to a girl and he feels like he wants to do everything not to hurt my feelings because he knows i just came from a really bad breakup. He told me that he's not ready for a relationship because he wants to sort out his career first and he has an emotional baggage because of his bestfriend who committed suicide, and his modelling career that kinda failed.. I totally agreed with him and I said, maybe we should take things slow and just get to know each other.. "we're in no rush anyway.. so take your time.. if we remain friends in the end, that's totally fine.. no pressure D"I also told him that I'm not having sex with anyone I'm not in a relationship with.. I told him that I hope it wont disappoint him if I dont have sex with him after a few dates, because I'm personally not up for a casual sex, I'm more reserved when it comes to sexual relationships, i just do it when I'm exclusive.. He was totally cool with it.. He said, "v I like you in a deeper sense.. not just physical attraction.. it is more than that.. I'm fine with whatever.. I dont wait for sex.. I just love your company.. I love being with you.. and if we just kiss and touch like what we do right now.. I'm cool with that" He's kissed my neck and has gone through the second base, has done a little bit of ass grab but that's about it. he never got into my pants.I'm younger than him and whenever I tell him things about my family, my mom and my dad.. he always give me good pieces of advice on how to improve my relationship with my mom when she gets really strict.. he listens to my worries, he pays a lot of attention to everything i say, he tells me things about life.. and he told me that even if I'm younger than him, I think and act like a 22 year old and he really finds that very impressive.. but he said to me that i'm very young and even if we end up being in a relationship in the end, he wants me to go travelling and explore life before i become in a relationship with anyone.. i go to the philippines every christmas because i was born there, so I think he finds it nice that i'm travelling at a young age too.here's the thing.. just earlier this month.. I saw his comments on lots of other model girls' photos saying these sorts of things: "you look really pretty.. so when are you coming back to aussie? maybe we can watch movie together." those sort of stuff.. he says that to so many girls.. so I know we're not exclusive but when I saw those things, I began to question whether he is genuine or not..Two weeks ago we were suppose to go on a date, but he cancelled it an hour before he was gonna pick me up.. He said that he is sick and he just came from work, and he's very tired. plus he has a project he needs to work with for his final year in engineering and it's due a week after so he needs to focus on that.. I understood him though I felt a little bit disappointed coz i was very excited for that date, i even bought a dress for it. haha. i messaged him back and said "it's totally fine.. i understand what you mean coz i feel pressured with uni stuff too.. and I hope all is well.. goodluck on your project and see you then.. xx"I kinda believe that he's not lying because I see his statuses on fB and he keeps on telling everyone that he's busy with his project.. that it's stressing him out.. that his project is driving him crazy coz its hard.. and he also mentioned something about being allergic to penicillin that's why he feels sick.. I didnt comment on any of those, because LOTS of girls comment on his statuses.. they call him "Baby" and i have to be honest but that kinda threw me off.. majority of the people commenting on his fB are women, and I dont mean to judge him but i just observed that he's such a sweet talker.. he calls almost every girl, "babe" and he flirts with them on fb by inviting girls to hang out with him or something..I deleted my biography on fB the other night, and I noticed when I looked at his facebook, he deleted his recent status where lots of girls were commenting on as well.. I dont know if his act of doing that was related to what I did, but i have a feeling that he gets the idea that i'm kinda turned off by the fact that he loves sweet-talking with women.It's been two weeks now and he still hasn't called or messaged me to reschedule our date or even just to check on me.. It's our exam month this month.. and our accounting exam is next week.. last month he promised me that he'll help me with accounting before the exams, but the exam is next week and no call from him still.. i understand he may be busy with his project, and im not expecting him to teach me for accounting because i can do it myself.. i just thought that maybe if he really likes me, he'd use it to find a way to contact me..also, he wasn't the type of guy who would put up statuses about his life on fb.. am i right to think that maybe he was putting up statuses about himself so that I know that he's genuine when he said he's busy? I have a feeling that he's trying to show me that he's truly sick and he's real busy thats why he didnt make it to our date.. Or is he waiting for me to comment on him? because he doesnt comment on my statuses recently.. err mind games!I did not call him or message him this past two weeks because I dont want to sound desperate in contacting him.. He cancelled on me on our last date, I believe that he should reschedule it if he really likes me..Sorry this is a novel! I thought i'd tell the whole story so you'd have a pretty good idea about what's truly going on..Right now, I dont know if he still likes me? is he's genuine with everything that he said to me?.. or am i just one of those girls that he tried hitting on and dated and felt sour after? is he ever gonna call me again? or should i just forget about it? What am i gonna do if he didnt call and I saw him in the accounting exam next week? (gosh that would be awkward).. was he lying all along? Was he just trying to get into my pants?All this things are in my mind right now.. I study to forget thinking about it.. I try not to over-analyse.. but sometimes, you just cant stop thinking about it especially when you have started having a connection with him..Thanks for the time i really appreciate you reading my story.. and feel free to share your opinions, as I really like listening to other people's point of views too.. Thanks a lot :)
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broke up, christmas, facebook, flirt, hasn't called, my ex, player, second base Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 From your update, it does sound like he likes you yes which is great but yet again its the whole commitment issue he is not wanting to commit to you which is obvious, he sounds like a great guy though and he also is taking things slow with you which is great, carry on hanging out with him but yet again i would advise that you are cautious that you dont get hurt.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Ms. Me and Aunt Honesty. :) Thanks for your replies, I really appreciate them :) Well, I just waited for him to contact me for the past two weeks. I really controlled myself from calling him because I dont wanna look like Im running after him or something. Last night I got a message from him at 4am..He said. "Hey stranger, haha. I just started studying for the exam at 2am tonight, and I am really stressed out for the past two weeks because of my project. Thank God it's finally finished! I just realized I still have your lecture notes for acctg, I'll bring it today in the exam in case you need it, and goodluck :) xx"
I replied to him when I got up at 6:30 am. I said "Oh Goodmorning Bystander :) Haha :P I seriously feel like throwing up now coz I lacked sleep for the past week because of studying. And omg you just started studying at 2am? Wow that's a bit of a rush.. But our exam is more on maths. and that's your thing.. so you'll probably find it easier in the exam today hey. :)And thanks for reminding me of my lecture notes.. I kinda considered that you're busy for the past two weeks thats why I didnt bother messaging you about it. :P well okay I'll try and get them off you today if we have time. Good luck for the exam too :)xx"
We met at the exam hall at around 10 am.. and he was sitting two chairs away from me. I noticed he keeps on looking at my direction when we were about to finish the exam. We talked after the exam, walked at the bus stops together.. We rode the bus home together.. and while we were sitting on the bus, he was fully drowsy coz he didn't sleep all night that day. But I noticed he was trying his best to keep the conversation going even if he feels like he just wanna die on the bench and sleep. When he was about to head off at his stop.. he said.
D: So when does your exam finish?
Me: I finish on the 12th.
D: Hey please let me know when you're finished with your exams.. Let's catch up after okay?
Me: I said, yeah alright then.. But just dont forget about it. Hit me up anytime after the 12th. :P
D: Alright. (then he smiled)
Then I was surprised he kissed my lips and said goodbye. :)
Im not sure whether he's doing this things to give me hints that he's still interested with me, or if he's just doing this for the sake of being polite. When we were waiting for the bus home, I forgot to buy my ticket so I had to walk back and buy one.. He didnt walk with me, instead he just stayed at the bus stop. I told myself, what if the bus arrives? Would he just ditch me and ride the bus home? or would he wait for me and just catch the next bus with me home? I sound like im over-analysing it.. but i always believe that simple gestures and body language.. or simple responses from other people can mean everything.
Let me know what you think about it :) and thanks for your time :) xx
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A
female
reader, Miss.Me  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 This guy is either too good to be true, or he's really good at acting it.
Because you're taking it slow and there's "no pressure," do contact him. I know he was the one who cancelled your date, but just send him a text or FB message asking how he's doing, and if he started studying for your accounting class. I don't think that will make you sound desperate. When you see him in class, just act like this hasn't phased you, like it's whatever.
If he doesn't reply back or ignores you from now on, then he was not as good as he seemed. It's smart that you've taken it slow and weren't quick to jump in bed together. You weren't officially *dating* so don't let his absence affect you that much.
Keep us posted!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (28 October 2010):
Hi ok well it sounds like this guy was really genuine and he didnt seem like he wanted in to your pants as he never tried and never got sulky but yet again he might just be very good at coming across as the genuine type it is really hard to tell. You are doing the right thing by waiting on him contacting you maybe he is just under a lot of pressure with college but he did say to you that he wanted you to go travelling and stuff before you got in to a relationship as you are only young this tells me that he is not intending on having a relationship with you, i do genuinly believe that he likes you as a person but i dont think he is looking for anything serious at the moment therefore sweetie i think the best thing for you to do here is to try and forget him before you end up completely heartbroken. If he is not wanting to commit then maybe its time you looked else were for a guy, in saying that if you are not looking for anything serious then fair enough but be careful that you dont end up badly hurt. Maybe it would be best if the both of you were friends and nothing more.
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