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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: what do you do when you love someone so much but you feel like they dont care and then you cheat on them then you reaize you did the biggest mistake of your life. he finds out but he gives you a 2nd chance but he is hurt and cant forget he doesnt act the same way but he still loves you he seems so far away. What should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2007): Thats wierd how what you said was exactly what I am going thru right now. Every bit of your story is happening to me. And i really dont have a answer for you, but I got advice. For instance you love him but you cheated on him and now I bet your boyfriend always asks you questions but he still loves you, he just is always curious now about what you do where you go brings back the cheating in a conversation(depends on the guy) and you lost the spark you had at the start of the relationship and you get in stupid arguements maybe not all the time but you do sometimes. Well what Im going to do you should to. Decide what is right for you!You will relize when its ready to break, you will keep thinking about other people and your problems with your boyfriend and you keep thinking what if I was with this person or not with the guy your with today.If your not as happy as you were at the start and you cheated and he gave you a second chance obviously you know the spark has gone because of what happened. That's when you know he will always never forget. The guys forgive but never forget so it hurts him and thats why stuff has changed today because he wont forget it. Thats when you need to be the strong girl you know you can be and get someone better. Start fresh than you wont make the same mistakes you did in the first time. You will find other love if you think this guy will be in your life forever and you said you will always be together. Well hunny your 17 yrs.old like me how could you possibly stay with one guy for the rest of your life! You have to explore different people to see what you want in a guy. That's why since you messed up already just began fresh. Change something about you make yourself happy! Thats what Im trying to do.I tell ya i dont gotta lot of guts. But what I told you is helping me!!!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007): i cheated on my bf and it was the worst mistake ever! and i totaly no how u feel...just like u my bf took me back..but it was after 5 months. u should feel 100% lucky that he took u back and just know that hes still hurting even though he wants to forget. just give it time and it will go back to normal eventiualy i know its hard but just be super good to him and let him know that u wont cheat agian and show him how much u love him!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007): A great reply from Lilly (excellent)
You're young, so I'm going to hope this was a one-off mistake that you will never repeat again. But nethertheless, to cheat on someone you're supposed to love because you felt they didn't care is dispicable and disgusting. When someone did this to me, I looked at them and felt physically sick and appalled at how I could love such something who obviously was a worthless insecure slut. Harsh words really, but perhaps you will never know how painful it is to be faced with having someone do something so cruel and hurtful to you when you love them!
The thing with love is, when they hurt you, have sex with someone else, you don't stop loving them. Love doesn't come and go so easily. But - you can love and hate someone for what they have done. Your boyfriend may get over what you have done, over time, but you should be prepared for a very long time to pass before anything returns to how things used to be.
When you cheated you literally killed something between you, you ripped out his heart and tortured it whilst laughing in his face. Making things right and to help heal someone through that is difficult, very difficult.
I think if you had talked to your boyfriend, a simple "I feel like you don't care about me and it makes me feel lonely/rejected/unsexy/unloved could we do more things together?" would have probably fixed EVERYTHING. Next time, try talking before having sex with someone else.
If your boyfriend is exceptionally damaged and hurt from this, maybe you should put him first and end the relationship for him. He obviously loves you to want to try again, but personally speaking, I think perhaps he deserves someone that will never do that to him.
We ALL make mistakes in life. Those who do not learn from them repeat them for the rest of their life, but those who do learn from them become stronger, better, more honest and BRILLIANT loved-ones, friends, partners and people. Make sure you become the later no matter how things turn out with your boyfriend.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (3 January 2007):
 Unfortunatly, when you cheated you made the decision to end the relationship. He is giving you a second chance and attempting to forgive you, but expecting him to forget this is like expecting him to not notice the elephant sitting in the middle of the livingroom. It's simply NOT going to happen. When you cheated and decided that you wanted a second chance at this relationship, you signed up, for the duration of your relationship, a sentence of suspicion. Of course he is going to be distant... you cheated on him. Expecting, or asking him, to act normal and not distant is unrealistic. If you want this relationship to work, you have to accept his distance. If and when he chooses to "act" the same way he did before will be his decision, not yours. So... your options are, continue on in the relationship and wait for him to come around while being on your very best behavior, or, truly terminate the relationship, start over with someone new, and learn your lesson. Don't cheat; It's not worth the consequences.
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