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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have something that has been bothering me and it is the about who im having sex with. Iv only had two sexual partners and neither of them were attractive to me. Im not shallow and dont judge people on looks, im not the best looking guy either. I just dont know how to feel about this. Is it just because i have very low self esteem? Any insight is greatly appreciated. I thought having sex would help my self esteem not hinder it, and lately i feel very bad about myself.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): Just wanted to say thanks for the advice its greatly appreciated.
While i agree we are all different and have free will. There are things in this world that are out of our control. I didnt choose to be molested by my uncle but it happend. I was only a child and didnt even fully understand what was happening. Its in the past and what ever damage was done is done. Iv put in countless hours in therapy and have come to terms with it, but im sure it had to mess me up sexually.
I know i do alot of things to sabotage myself but i am getting better. From where i was to where i am now i do see improvements in myself. I try to do the right thing, i take my meds, go to school, but i can only change so much. Anti depressants are not a magical pill that make you happy but i take them and try to stay positive. I cant change how shy i am, iv been told i was even shy as a child so i guess its just my personality.
I just want to continue to grow as a person, gain confidence, and lead a healthy happy life, but i feel like im at a roadblock. I want to have healthy relationships with women and be able to date but i cant change my past or who i am. So i guess im just at a loss on how to get there.
Hope this makes some sense, and thanks again for reading.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): I guess mostly im just venting and trying to figure why i do these types of things. I was very old when i first had sex(about 28). Iv struggled with depression for most of life(was sexually abused as a child by a male family member), and at one point i had just resigned myself to the fact that i would die a virgin.
Im very shy and dont have a good body and almost all women wouldnt give me the time of day so am i destined to have only these unfulling relationships, or maybe i should just take what i can get and try to be happy with it?
I guess i would be hard for a woman to understand why i would do this but put yourself in my shoes for a sec. Being sexual and being a "man" go hand in hand. I figured i didnt want to be the 40 yr old virgin, that everyone could laugh at:(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): Well the lesson here I suppose is that sex with people you are not actually attracted to is no fun.
I don't exactly know what your question is, are you asking why you slept with these women? Nobody can say but you. It's possible that you felt that you yourself were not attractive enough to be picky and were just taking what you could get. But in my opinion, unless the sex is between people who are into each other and actually feel sexually attracted to each other, whats the point?
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