A
male
age
30-35,
*gn
writes:Hi,My girlfriend and I have dated for 3 1/2 years. It has been wonderful, we have loved each other so much, we are both each others first true love. She always has said how great she thinks I am and we often enjoy thinking of one day getting married and living with each other. I love her with all my heart and I want nothing more that to spend my life with her. And she has always felt the same way. About a month ago she told me that she was depressed and she thought that I was contributing to that because I hadnt been as romantic as I used to be and I agreed because I was pretty preoccupied with upcoming exams. However I did all I could do to make her feel special since that talk and she told me that she loved my dedication and was very happy that I cared enough about her to put her first, even in such a stressful time (exam time at college). So anyway, we finish exams and move back to our hometown for the summer, we were both very excited of being able to spend more time with each other with out having to worry about school. So a couple of nights ago I went over to her house to watch a movie with her and it was normal, and when I was about to go back home she just started crying and eventually said that she couldnt be with me anymore. I became really emotional also kept asking why, after things were going so good, and she said that I was great she couldnt ask for more and yet she still didnt feel the same way. I am crushed, we were each others world and she loved me so deeply that I thought I would have to really screw up to lose her. It just doesnt make any sense because she loved me so much that I used to feel bad for her because I thought that I couldnt offer her the kind of deep compasonate love that she gave me, but she said I was absolutly perfect. She said we should talk again in a few days once we have some time to think and although I wanted to fight to save things right then I gave her her space and told her to call me when she was ready. It has been 3 days now and I am just so nervious because I feel like I should be doing something to show her how much I care however another part of me wants to just let think on her own and hope that she realizes what she is throwing away. Am I doing the right thing? What Should I do? She is the most significant part of my life and I dont know what to do with out her. I will eventually be able to get over her in time(alot of time) if worst comes to worst, but until I hear from her again I am devestated cannot get her off of my mind, and I think it is affecting my health (tough to eat sometimes). I am still very hopeful and I think she wants it to work also, but is just a little confused right now. Any advise for what to do now or what to say when I get to talk to her ( or not to say)? Thanks in adavance.
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male
reader, cgn +, writes (15 May 2009):
cgn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your concern, through all of this.
When I went to see her last night I knew as soon as I got there that she had her mind made up. I told her how badly I wanted us to work how much I had changed in the last few days dealing with the concept that she could be gone but it was just to late. There is no doubt in my mind that she will be back and that is all I want but I am just afraid that by then I will have moved on. I mean dont get me wrong I am not going to let this ruin my life nor am I going to harp over her loss. It just tears me up to think that all of the things about me that she said she didnt like were all of the things that I did not like about myself and was trying to change. I really do truly feel that were are as close to perfect as a perfect couple can be, but just with bad timing. Its the sadest thought that I have ever had, but then again, I guess it doesnt say anywhere that Life should be all happiness.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): Good luck for when you see her.I think that it would be best if you mainly listen to her, at least at first, before you give her your side of the situation. I think you are more likely to get an honest and unbiased answer from her that way.If she does want to end the relationship, maybe you could ask her if there is anything you could do together to prevent it? Or even suggest a temporary split, so she can have more time to think, and can see how she feels being out of the relationship. It may be she realises that she isn't happy being without you after all. But if she really does want to end things, I think it would be kindest to just let her go, on good terms, and try not to have any bad feelings between you.Hopefully it might not come to that. Good luck all the same. x
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A
male
reader, cgn +, writes (14 May 2009):
cgn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your input, I value anyones who have been through this kind of thing before.
I called her this afternoon, just to let her know how much I was thinking about her and asked her if she was feeling like we could talk in person anytime soon. She said yes so we are meeting tommorrow night at 7. I am thinking of taking her to the spot where I took her on our first date, the end of the beach nearby. I am hoping to remind her how much I truly love her. Any last tips? Should I do mostly listening, or talking? If she still says that she doesnt feel the same way about me, should I continue to fight for her or just let her go (keep in mind that I am totally confident that she is the right person for me, and have no desire whatsoever to be without her)?
Thanks
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): I'm sorry for what has happened, you must be very confused.
I think you are right to be giving her some space to get her thoughts together. As for when you next speak to her, I think you should just tell her how you care about her, and ask her what she needs. Does she need more space in the relationship? Or to see you more? Or maybe there are other things bothering her that are not related to your relationship. It is hard to say.
It could be that she is having second thoughts about the relationship, which is why she asked for space to think. I know you are wondering what you did wrong, but I don't think you have. Sometimes, relationships don't work out because they just don't, and it is nobody's fault.
When you do see her though, I would try to get some straight answers from her, so you know where you stand and can at least stop torturing yourself with questions of what went wrong.
I hope it goes well for you, and that things work out fine. x
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