| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Today I finished with my Bf of 2 years. I love him, he definitely loves me, he was inconsolable when he left.In the last 3 months, when we argue, he goes out, sometimes 3-4 in morning and doesnt come back to the next day. He goes round friends houses. This weekend the friend was a women, who we both know. There were other people there too, but I cant bare, that he left me in a realt state to go to another womens house! I trust him, and do not suspect he cheated on me. I just think he does not consider my feelings and tried to hurt me on purpose.He agrees he would be very angry if I acted in the same way to him. The rest of our relationship is fine. he dotes on me, is romantic, does many selfless things for me, is affectionate towards me even in front of his friends. Anyone who knows us, knows how in love we are with each other. So why does he do this and in such a hurtful way. Am I right to finish it?
View related questions:
cheated on me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): Thanks for you responses, have given me something to think about. I guess I should of been clearer, that when he leaves to go to other people, it is not to discuss our relationship/problems. He just chills out has a beer and a laugh with them. This hurts more, as I am at home crying. We keep our problems pretty much 'in house' if you know what I mean. Having a bit more time to think. I guess my biggest problem was (on this occasion) he went to another girls house (even though others were there)And I do see it as a betrayal. I am miserable without him, but it has been 5 days now and hopefully wont cry today. Thanks for your comments.
A
reader, schlottjl  +, writes (25 October 2005):
 When you no longer want to continue a relationship with someone you break up. You do not even have to have a reason. You are not married and might want to tell the other person why so that there is closure but that is optional. If you truly want to end it, then do.
If he turns to another woman when angry with you, that is emotional cheating. Emotional cheating takes the trust, intimacy and energy out of a relationship and is a betrayal. Anyone who is supposed to love you and be committed to you should not disrespect you by airing your problems with another person let alone a woman.
I think that so long as you are not using a breakup as a tool to show how angry you are that he betrayed you, then you are with in your rights.
The question is, did you mean it. If you love each other so much, why can't you talk about it and why does he turn to get his emotional needs met by another woman? I think you had good instincts. Stick to your guns unless he can show (not say) that he totally gets what he did is unacceptable. Often when a person does this and does not have sex with that person, it is because the woman either is a good enough person to refuse to have sex with a taken man or she is not as interested in him and he would have physically cheated if possible. Of course he would not have said so to you. She didn't have sex with him and he is possibly using this as a defense. Until proven otherwise, I would assume that I am right here.
The problem is that there is no way to prove that I am wrong unless he were to really change his ways. You will know this and not question his motives when or if he does.
Good luck and never accept second place.
...............................
A
reader, pops +, writes (24 October 2005):
When men can't talk to a woman they love, they often turn to another woman who is friendly and can hear them out, tell them if they are being an ass, or agree that you are being unreasonable. Its nice to have such a friend. There does not have to be anything going on between them, emotionally or sexually. If you are jealous of his friend, and let him know it, it will just further drive a wedge between the two of you. Respect his friend as part of the reason he is so caring and loving towards you. when you argue, what do you argue about? Is it the same old thing, or picky things that don't really matter in the long run? People avoid real issues to resolve by picking on little things, or some one thing to argue about whenever they are frustrated with their partner. They fear actually talking about the big things that are really bothering them. Its a very bad habit to start a marriage with. Get some counseling so that you can discover what you are mad about, and what he is angry about. He is trying to avoid getting too mad, or losing control and saying or doing something he will regret later when he ups and leaves you to cool off. NO one wants to lose an argument, but that is not the reason he leaves. The two of you sound like you have been skirting some bigger problem for some time. What is it? ( I will give you a hint, based on divorce cases I have had. The most popular reason for couples to argue is " MONEY". The second reason is always " SEX ". ) Sit down and talk to him about that problem, and the rest of the stuff you argue about will go away.
...............................
A
female
reader, lillaum  +, writes (24 October 2005):
 Hi there
If it doesn't feel right we are usually wrong, but not always. A lot of men can't deal with confrontation and walk out on an argument. If this is the only problem in the relationship maybe it is worth talking about making a compromise. When you are having an argument, and he feel's that he wants to leave agree to stop talking about it until he is ready to talk again. That way no one should say or do anything they are going to regret. having said this, make sure you sort out the argument before it blows out of proportion. Don't let him get away with not ever dealing with a problem.
Good Luck
Lillaum
...............................
A
female
reader, sexseahot +, writes (24 October 2005):
 Yes honey, you were very right! No one deserves to be treated the way he was treating you. Yes, he's nice to you sometimes, but it should be all the time. No guy has the right to go out to some woman's house after you guys were arguing and not coming back home. If he wouldn't like you acting in such a way, he should consider that! You don't treat people a way that you wouldn't want to be treated in. It's not fair to you or that person. He's taking advantage of you and you definitely should never have to put up with someone like that.
If he really loved you, he would take your feelings in consideration and how you feel about the way he is acting. You did do the right thing, if he don't want to change this part of his behavior, you can definitely find someone better that won't treat you like that. You guys may love eachother, but when he hurts you one purpose, that isn't love. That's just disrespectful to you and you don't need that in your life.
Good luck!
...............................
|
