I think we like each other but we both have expressed our feelings for others

Tagged as: Teenage

<< Previous question Next question >>

Question - (10 March 2009)

5 Answers - (Newest, 9 April 2009)

A male age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Right I have known this girl now for about 6 months and we are really close now, seriously good friends. Call her Girl A. She is great to talk to and we have always connected in a friendship sort of way. Yes, she is a very easy person for most people to get on with but in particular we get on very well. Please note now, i have never once considered her seriously as potential girlfriend material. This is unusual with regards to me- I tend to see quite a few girls that i meet as potential girlfriends. A problem yes, i know. The important thing is that Ive never seen it with this girl, until recently.

Anyway I realised over the past few days (after spending a hour alone together whilst in town) that I can see myself being with her. Or more importantly , seeing us as a couple. I wouldnt say that I have suddenly started fancying her, more the fact that i think "this could really work you know...". It just came to me as i was heading back home when she left.

There was something that happened whilst in town however that may have contributed to my change of heart. We were discussing realtionships and got onto the topic of whether she was interested in a realtionship at the moment. She said that she was, she wanted someone to care for her properly because she wasnt getting much love at home at the moment (her parents are going through a divorce). I asked her if she liked anyone in particular and she said

"No, but if someone showed they really cared about me I would probably go out with them, within reason"

She then continued

"Of course they have got to fully care for me, and not really have any other outside interests"

She then said:

"I dont know though fully, my head is not really in the right place at the moment with all of these issues at home so Im not sure if im thinking straight."

These I think i may have taken as a little hint towards me. I cannot possibly say. But i know it wasnt fully this that changed my mind, i genuinely enjoyed the time we spent together and thought

"this could work you know"

However we both almost have parallel problems. She has fancied my best mate for a good while now but he has no interest. Its a well known fact. He happens to have gone out with her best mate. This caused issues of course, but she seems to be coping quite well with it. She has certainly accepted she will never be with him although I cant gaurantee if she still has feelings for him or not.

Then there is my other "well known" interest. In a drunken spate I expressed my feelings for this other girl (girl B) and she has backed off since. But it was really a passionate speech and i have heard rumours abound that girls who know me would not go near me because they can never be sure i have lost my feelings for girl B. Including Girl A. I cannot be certain myself either. At the moment she is going out with one of my other mates. When i first saw them togther the jealousy was unreal. However I have seen them since and i was surprised at myself by how i was not jealous the second time around. I think that im getting over the fact that I cant be with her- but im not sure if I still have feelings for her. Again, the irony of us both being in remarkably similar positions!

Then there is the factor of my other mate who i know has feelings for girl A. He however has not said anything to her because he is unsure that he wants to lose their friendship. Girl A loves his personality but has rigourously said she doesnt find him attractive at all. She seemed pretty aginst the whole idea of being with him because you have to feel even a little bit attracted to each other. Ive got the impression however she is desperately trying to force herself to like him because she may feel like he is the only person at the moment who has feelings for her.

So if i did go out with girl A it would cause repercussions with him as he has feelings for her. And she would feel as if she is being harsh on him.

Thats all I can think of at the moment really. There are lots of other minor details but this is the basic run through of things.

My question really is what should I do??

Many thanks :)

View related questions: divorce, drunk, jealous

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009):

yes go for it if ur friend does have any feelings for her! have a chat with him first! x