A
female
age
30-35,
*oungandrestless
writes:Help me please, Im afraid that a 4 year relationship may be at its end and Im not sure how we got here! Just yesterday I went up to edmonton to pick up my dress! and then today everything went from bad to worse to full out war!Let me explain how this all went down and maybe someone can tell me what happend and how we can fix it or if its time to move on?Yesterday my Mother-in-law, my maid of honor and I had plans to head to the city to purchase my wedding dress. The day started out badly because of my maid of honor, but thats another story altogether, so we decided to invite my fiance and Father in law to join us in edmonton. My fiance took the rest of the day off and we headed up and had what i thought was a good time. It wasnt until the end of hte day I found out that neither of them had even wanted to come with us and didnt enjoy going with us! so at the end of the night, i spoke to my fiance about our plans to visit the fair the next day, and offered to let him sleep late and we could visit later in the day. The problem arose because he knew i wanted to attend a pancake breakfast, wich would require him getting up early. So he insisted that i wake him at 10;30 am so we could go to breakfast.Next morning, i wake up refreshed at 10 and realize he fell asleep on the couch instead of coming to bed. I left him there instead of waking him up early for no reason,and got ready to go out. At 10;30 i attempted to wake him up. It took him 15 minutes to stop growling at me and get off the couch. Then when he sat down at the tv, he demanded to know why i hadnt done the dishes yet ( they had been sitting for a few days but in my defense we had been extremely busy!), so i apologised and said i would do them after the fair that night. When his mood didnt improve i asked him if he was going to have fun today or if he was just going for me. he responded that "Today had always been about me, what else did i think?". Hurt, I tried to salvage the situation by asking "is there any way we can make today better for you?" and got back " No im already awake". this sent me crying to the bathroom, and when i came back to try to talk, was drowned out by our stereo system. So i decided i needed to get out and go for a drive to clear my head since he wasnt willing to talk to me. On my drive i got continual texts and phone calls with messages saying that i had better get back with his car or he would call the cops on me! First of all, he gave that car to me and legally it has my name on the registration and insurance, so he would look pretty silly calling them. I had the car for about a 1/2 hr and when i came back he had destroyed half my clothing and several of my memento's from my family. Because he said that i wasnt allowed to take his car. At that point i am ashamed to say i took the tv remote after muting his music and locked myself in our bedroom. Unfortunately things got physical then, he pushed me onto the bed and got right into my face and said something to me, and i slapped him across the face, then chased after him when he left and ripped his shirt because i wasnt finished talking to him. At that point i gave him my engagement ring back and told him he had screwed it up this time, if he felt he needed to call the cops on me for going for a drive then we didnt have much of relationship left. I went for a walk and when i got back he had disappeared with the car and my cell phone and a porcelain doll from my grandmother (i dont know why the doll but it sure pissed me off!).I dont want our relationship to be over, we have fought too hard to be together, we have had a lot of adversity coming against our relationship and weve held up under it all, so why did this push us over the edge? I love him enough to have made a life and a home with him, even before i married him, so where did this go wrong and how do i fix it now? have i screwed it up to the point it cant be, or should i even try? please someone help me, im drained and cant find my way out of this hole.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 Oh dear. I think with this kind of temper, it would probably be best if you did call the wedding off. There is no reason why your fiance should be acting this way. If there are things he did not want to attend with you, he should have just stated the fact. I'm sure you would not have been happy, but it would be better than repressing his feelings and then going bananas.
Besides not wanting to go dress shopping or to the fair, the guy has serious issues if he is threatening to call the police after you take the car. Maybe he thought you were taking it for the day, and even if you were, you say your name is on the registration and insurance.
This guy has some serious passive/aggressive issues. I get the feeling he thinks the relationship is somehow always based on what you want, but that is just my best guess. If he cannot communicate with you in an open and honest way, then I am not sure your marriage has much of a chance.
I am sorry you are in this position.
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (22 July 2012):
 He doesn't sound like a very nice person. You want to spend the rest of your life with a bloke like this? You deserve a lot, lot better.
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