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female
,
anonymous
writes: We are both married and very much in love with one another. He's been married for 31 years and I, for 29. I am ready to leave my marriage for him. It hurts to be without him. He has been a people pleaser all his life and is a reformed alcoholic, and he would feel very much guilt if he just left his wife. Would the guilt keep us from being happy? I know I could make him forget, or am I fooling myself? Should I continue on with him or try to get over him? I want to stress to you that I have never been in love before now. Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): No one can say how this will turn out for you but I will say adultry is not a foundation to begin a committed relationship on. You both lost your emotional boundaries and your committment to your current spouses. The tragedy is that you both acted on those feelings.
Whether or not, the guilt will consume him is not known. But..his guilt is his own-he owns it. He has to be willing to change but he may not. What this all means is that you have to realize and accept his limitations and inability to possibly, leave his wife for you. It is time to bury your expectations and mourn the loss of what you might have had with him. You might consider taking care of yourself and learn from this relationship, better ways of providing the commitment you want in life and perhaps, lean towards saving your marriage. If this isn't possible, leave your marriage and strike out on your own. But, it does sound like your heart wants to connect so badly, that you lack judgment. This sometimes happens. Never allow your emotions to over-rule your better judgment. Always use you head. Take care and good luck with whatever path you take.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2006):
I think if what you say about never having been in love before is true then basically you have spent 29 years of your life married to a man you never loved.
If that is the case then you should have left your husband a long time ago and I assume you have children this will not be easy for them!
If you dont love your husband then I think you should leave him irrespective of whether the other man leaves his wife for you.
Just bear in mind though that you are both adulterers and they say if they do it once they will do it again!! It may be you left when he goes off with his new bit of stuff 4 or 5 years down the line, just be prepared for that!!
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