A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:It's very long and complicated. Very recently I changed my job. When I left my old job, a girl I worked with there and with whom I'd formed a good friendship seemed very upset that I was leaving and gave me her email address and phone number. During an MSN conversation she told me she liked me and at first I was unsure - I am 24 and she is seven years younger than me.But I knew I fancied her and I was very flattered by the offer. I had planned to move away from the area but because I liked her and am single thought it might be worth giving a relationship a try. We met up and talked about it and she still seemed upset that I might leave and was, as such, unsure about starting a relationship. We were both worried about her parents' reaction because she said they simply wouldn't stand for it. We shared a kiss in the heat of the moment and then all of a sudden she changed her mind and told me she was being selfish - I must leave and better my career prospects. I was a bit gutted at the sudden change of heart. We didn't speak for a few days and I spoke to a few people about it who thought I should put the girl first, go for love, and see to my career later. I emailed her and told her I would put her first and that I would prove to her parents I was to be trusted. I fear I moved too fast because she told me her feelings weren't as strong and that she wanted to date guys her own age. Above anything, she wanted to experience more of her single life before heading into a relationship. She seemed to be under the impression it would be forever, using that exact word. I was upset but respected her choice and sent her an email back to give her my blessing, reassure her she'd done the right thing. I didn't hear back from her. The following week, I wanted to go back to the shop to see another of my old colleague friends, to catch up. The girl was there and we said "hi" but nothing more. Two days later, regardless of the fact that she'd made no contact with me, I sent her a text to wish her a happy Christmas and suggested we make it up in the New Year before I leave. I felt a distance between us and I really wasn't comfortable with it, though I didn't say that to her. That night, she finally replied to my email - having ignored my text - to ask me why I had said so much in the email but not a word to her face when we saw each other in the shop. She said she couldn't be bothered if I couldn't.My chin hit the floor. I was angry at first but I never give up on people, even if they're being unreasonable. I felt it inappropriate to start a conversation when she hadn't acknowledged my very pleasant email response and besides, she didn't speak to me either. I waited until the morning and phoned her to talk about it and she hung up on me, said she was busy.Much as I feel she has behaved immaturely and treated me badly, I am a sentimental person and I can't just forget her forever. I fear making contact AGAIN will prove futile and yet I also fear she may never contact me again. I plan to leave my home townin February and I'll be devastated if we never make it up. What do you suggest?
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (24 December 2007):
 There are a couple of things going on here. I do think that she likes you. I think that she is confused about these feelings and that something is holding her back. I think that the relationship is filled with mixed signals from both of you. But the problem is that she has been very immature with you regarding her feelings. Once you told her that you would sacrifice your career for you you forced her to confront her feelings for you. I do not think she cares enough for you to ask you to stay or for you to sacrifice your career for her.
The other thing going on here is what her parents will think her having a relationship with you. She is a bit young (17?) for you. She does care about how her parents will react, which is a good thing.
My advice to you is that you get on with your life and your new career. This girl is not ready for a relationship with you. She has your email and she knows where to contact you if she chooses. It's not like you're leaving for good, it's your hometown. Most likely you will run into her again and maybe by then she will have matured some...if you are still interested in her. I see nothing you need to make up for. If you try to contact her further, she'll only make you feel worse. You tried to contact her, nothing more you could do. You've been a good fellow. She's just been too immature....
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